What's Come Over Me
by shewalkswithlycans
Summary: Set 10 years after after Eclipse. Bella and Edward eloped. Jacob was left bitter, never quite getting over his first love. Leah and Seth's cousin Nala returns to La Push. Can a childhood crush turn into something more? rated M for language and lemons.
1. Home Sweet Home

I just finished packing. In my living room there were a handful of boxes. My clothes were in two suitcases sitting by the door. I did a final sweep of the apartment to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything. I was moving back to my hometown, La Push. It was tiny Indian reservation in the Pacific Northwest. New Orleans had many great memories for me. Everything I knew was right here. I hardly remembered what life was like back in La Push. We moved to New Orleans, when I was eleven years old. We left so quickly that I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to my classmates. I came home from school one Friday, and my mom already had our bags packed. She said we were leaving the house, because it reminded her of my father. My dad was her world. I had never seen two people so much in love. My dad died in a house fire when I was nine. He was so young when he died. The whole reservation was devastated. Daddy was really active in our little community. My dad was very generous. He was the type of guy that would share his last crust of bread with you. My parents met when my mom came to La Push to do her master's thesis on tribal customs. When my father, Joseph saw her, he jumped at the chance to be her guide. He told me she was smart, funny, and she had no problem putting him in his place. She would smile and add that it didn't hurt that her legs looked great in a pair of shorts. My mom wanted to leave the rez shortly after my dad died, but my Aunt Sue and Uncle Harry talked her into staying.

When we left, I remember that everything was new and exciting to me. I missed my aunt and cousins, but I wouldn't miss the cold, rainy Pacific Northwest weather. I thrived in New Orleans. I made a ton of friends in Elementary and High School. I ran track, went to football games, met boys and did all the things normal teenage girls do. I earned a full scholarship to Grambling University. That's where I met my best friend and roommate Gina. Gina and I had been friends since freshman year. We were inseparable ever since. We both pledged Delta Sigma Theta and were line sisters. I was gonna miss my bestie. I had been through so much in those four short years. She kept me together when my world fell apart. My mom passed away six months ago after a long battle with breast cancer. Gina helped me clean up my mom's house and donated her things. The few things that I kept were packed in the boxes that were coming with me. I smiled as I thought about my beautiful mom. I picked up a picture of us from last summer. She was the color of coffee with a touch of cream. Her almond-shaped, deep, brown eyes and soft features were the ones I saw in the mirror every morning. My skin color reflected a mix of both my heritages. I'm a warm cinnamon brown, with long, black hair. My thoughts were interrupted by my cell phone.

"Hello?" I asked, picking up my phone on the first ring.

"Nala, what time does your plane arrive?" my cousin, Emily, asked.

"Noon, Em, I should be there by noon," I replied as I placed the picture in my suitcase.

"Alright, Sam and I will pick you up from the airport."

"OK, but if I don't get outta here now, I'm gonna miss my flight," I said.

"Have a safe flight we'll see you soon," Emily said as we hung up.

My cab arrived a short time later. I had already said a tearful goodbye to Gina earlier in the day. She was making sure all of my boxes were picked up by the shipping company. With any luck, my things would arrive at my new address in the next few days.

I arrived in Seattle on time, walked through the gate and made my way to baggage claim. Through the tall windows I could see that it was drizzling. I sighed. My usually wavy hair was flat-ironed straight. I knew it wouldn't be that way for long. I pulled my luggage off the carousel and noticed Sam Uley, my cousin's husband standing right outside of baggage claim. I walked toward him and saw my beautiful cousin standing behind him. Even with the long jagged scars etched across her face, she was beautiful to me. I ran over to them and was engulfed in a big hug. I backed away from my cousin when I noticed a round bump in her midsection.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"I wanted it to be a surprise." she replied, smiling. "C'mon, we have a nice long drive ahead of us." she hooked her arm around mine. Sam grabbed the bags and we made our way to the car and began our three hour trek, back to La Push.

During our drive, Emily filled me in on what had been going on with the guys. My first cousins Leah and Seth were doing well. I knew Leah was dating a wide receiver playing for the Seahawks and that she was teaching at the tribal school. Seth was working part-time and starting his first -year internship in sports medicine. Leah's boyfriend, Isaiah, helped spark that idea. Seth was really driven. He would be the first in our family to attend medical school. I was shocked when I first heard the news. This was the kid who had to repeat tenth grade. Quil became a deputy, which made me giggle. He never seemed like the law enforcement type. Embry was a paralegal and had just started working for the only attorney in Forks. Jared and Kim just celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary. They had just brought a new house and opened a general store that sold various items including, handmade jewelry and quilts. Paul had married Jacob's sister Rachel, he was working as a prison guard and she was an emergency room doctor. They were living in Port Angeles. I was glad that everyone was doing well, but they forgot the person I wondered about the most.

"What's going on with Jacob Black?" I asked. The car became quiet for a second.

"Jake's doing OK," Emily finally said.

I had the biggest crush on Jacob as a child. I was crazy about him. He was tall, handsome and never seemed to wear a shirt. I used to draw little hearts around his name in all my notebooks. We saw each other at bonfires as kids and I would always try to get close to him. When he did notice me, he was so nice to me. I knew he didn't take me seriously, because he's five years older than me. He didn't have time to pay attention to a little kid. Jacob stayed on my mind throughout the years. I never forgot what he did for me. When I was ten, a boy in my class named, Tyler Abrams, pushed me down and started yelling at me. Jacob was walking by and saw the whole thing. He calmly walked over and gripped Tyler by his collar. He said if Tyler ever laid a hand on me, he'd tear it off. Of course Tyler ran off crying. Jacob helped me up and made sure I made it home safely. Tyler never bothered me again after that. Emily went on to say that he became the youngest chief in the history of the tribe. He recently opened up two auto repair shops. One was in Forks, and the other was in Port Angeles. His personal life was a different story. Jake never got over his first love. A girl named Bella Swan. I only heard snippets of what happened between them. Leah was quite vocal about the whole ordeal at the time. I would go to Aunt Sue's house and listen in on Leah and Seth's conversations. I remembered all her stories about the girl who stole Jacob's heart.

We pulled up to Sam and Emily's house. A small two-story home nestled in the expanse forest of redwood and cedar trees that covered the reservation. This was a home that they had built together. They had put so much work into it that it hardly looked like the house I remembered. The wooden wraparound porch had two wicker rocking chairs. Sam took my suitcases into the house as I looked around. Emily turned to me and said "Welcome home. You can stay with us as long as you like."

I smiled back at her. I couldn't believe I was finally home. I wondered if I could walk to my parent's house later. I wanted to see if it was still there.

I walked inside; hardwood floors covered the first floor. There was an overstuffed sofa and matching loveseat and the TV was tuned to some basketball game. A large dining room table with six chairs took up most of the space in the dining room. The kitchen was decorated with old country flair, complete with a checkered blue tablecloth and white cabinets. I leaned on the counter watching Emily move around.

"I'm cooking a big dinner tonight. Everyone will be here including Seth and Leah."

I raised an eyebrow at the mention of my first cousin's name. Leah had hated Emily. She blamed her for stealing Sam. When they were teenagers, they were so close. My visits to Aunt Sue's house, as a child were so fun. Leah would let me dress up in her clothes and use her make-up. Then Emily would come over and we would bake cookies. Sam would come to the house and hang out with us. Then something changed, the year I turned ten. Leah and Emily stopped talking. Sam didn't come to see Leah anymore. Then Uncle Harry had a heart attack. After her dad died, Leah started having trouble controlling her anger. She would snap at the slightest things. Leah left La Push for a couple of years. She bounced around a few cities, finally settling in Seattle. When she came back, she had a degree in education. She took a job teaching fourth graders at the tribal school. I wasn't sure if she was still angry at Emily. They hardly spoke to each other at my mom's funeral.

"Leah's coming?" I asked, confused.

"Yes. Isaiah can't come, because he's out of town on business, but she'll be here."

"OK, what time?"

"About six," she replied as she started cooking.

"How many months are you?" I asked, helping her take veggies out of the fridge.

"I'm five months," she said, automatically touching her belly.

"Do you know what you're having?"

"Not yet, but Sam thinks it's a boy," she stated, smiling.

At six o'clock, people started to arrive at the house. I came down the stairs and saw Embry and Quil had already arrived. My little cousins were there as well. Twelve year old, Claire and her sisters, Lilly and Star. I gave them all hugs. The first thing I noticed was Embry and Quil both looked like they hadn't aged a day since I left.

"Dang girl, you filled out," Quil said. I blushed.

"Thanks, Quil," I replied, as I playfully hit him on his arm.

We laughed. I spent some time catching up with them. Leah and Seth came in and Seth picked me up and swung me around. When he finally put me down, I gave Leah a big hug. She turned and waved at Emily.

"I missed you guys!" I was smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

"I can't believe how tall you got since the last time I saw you," Seth replied

"Aww, Sethy, you just saw me a couple of months ago," I said. Embry and Quil started laughing at Seth's nickname.

"Do you have to call me Sethy in front of the guys?" he asked.

"Yup. If they can talk about how much I 'filled out' then I can call you, Sethy," I replied laughing.

"Fair enough," Seth said.

"We have a lot of catching up to do. You wanna go to lunch tomorrow?" Leah asked.

"Sure, call me and let me know what time," I said.

Jared and his wife Kim walked in. They said their hellos and walked to the back of the house where Sam and Emily were. Soon the house was filled with family. They made the house seem smaller than it already was. Emily announced that it was time to eat. I waved to Paul who waved back as he made a beeline to the kitchen. Shaking my head, I turned around and walked smack into Jacob Black.

"Sorry," I said mortified.

"It's all right; welcome back, Nala," Jake said. He held his arms out for a hug and I hugged him quickly, hoping he wouldn't see that I was blushing.

I felt weak when he smiled. He had such a pretty smile. He smelled so good and it felt wonderful to be in his arms. "_What__the__hell__was__wrong__with__me?__"_ I thought. I couldn't still have a crush on him? Not after all these years. I must say the years had been good to him. Jake was wearing a white t-shirt that accentuated his muscular frame and a pair of denim shorts that showed off his calves. I was never into a guy's legs, but his were beautiful. I had to walk away before I embarrassed myself any further. I excused myself to eat and ended up just pushing the food around on the plate. I watched him sit next to Emily at the dining room table and I caught myself looking at him again as he ate and talked. "_You__'__re__becoming__a__stalker,_" I thought. To look busy, I got up and began cleaning up. As soon as Em saw me she shooed me away.

"Enjoy yourself. I got this," she said.

Before I could even protest, I was pushed out the kitchen. Everyone had split into groups in the living room. I walked over and sat next to Seth on the steps. The guys were teasing Seth about not having a girlfriend.

"I'm picky!" he shouted.

"You are not! You just don't want to settle down," Jared said.

"He's become the town whore. There's nobody that Seth doesn't want. If she has a pulse and boobs, she's Seth's type," Paul added. Rachel smacked him on the back of the head.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" Paul asked

"Watch your mouth, there are kids in here," Rachel said, pointing to Claire sitting in the corner.

"She can't hear me. She hasn't taken off those damn ear buds since we got here,"

Paul said. We looked over and saw that Claire was still playing with her IPod.

"Watch it, Paul," Quil warned.

"Weren't we talking about Seth?" Paul asked, ignoring Quil.

"What the hell, man? One of these days you're gonna catch something,"

Embry stated.

"I'm careful. Well at least I'm not a terminal bachelor like the rez's own Bruce Wayne!" Seth exclaimed pointing to Jacob.

The room erupted in laughter. Jake grabbed Seth into a headlock.

"Take that outside," Emily shouted.

They stopped playing around and soon the topic changed to sports and town gossip. At eleven everyone was heading home. I hugged everyone goodbye and stood on the porch with Sam and Emily talking to the stragglers. We finally said goodnight to everyone and went inside and upstairs to bed.

I lay in bed, tangled in the sheets and looking up at the ceiling. I knew I wasn't going to sleep any time soon. I got up and put some flannel pajama bottoms on, slipped on my slippers and a hoodie. I grabbed my sketch pad and headed for the front porch. I walked outside and flipped on the porch light. I couldn't see anything beyond the driveway. The trees swayed in the night breeze and the air was cool and damp. I sat on the steps and began to sketch. The moon was full and there were thousands of stars in the sky. I thought back to the nights my dad and I would sit under the stars. He would grab a huge blanket and put it out on the front lawn. We would sit out there and talk for hours. Just beyond the trees, something moved. I gasped, stood up and looked.

"Who's there?" I yelled into the darkness

"What are you still doing up?" I relaxed immediately. The voice was familiar.

"Jake! You scared me half to death. Everyone's asleep and I don't want Emily to be worried."

"Trust me, Sam knows you're out here," Jake said as he walked towards me.

Even in the dark, with only the porch light, I could see his beautiful face. He walked up the steps and sat in one of the rocking chairs. I took the other. He picked at something invisible on his shorts, then turned and looked at me.

"Hey, I wanted to say I'm sorry about your mom. Emily told me she was fighting real hard at the end."

"Yeah, she was a fighter," I replied.

"So why'd you come back here? If you don't mind me asking?"

"To visit my family before I go on to graduate school. I've got big plans."

"Well I'm glad you're not staying here too long. This place can limit you sometimes. It's not a bad thing per se. It's just that I've seen people be held back because they're afraid of the unknown out there," he said.

"What happens here besides rain?" We laughed.

"How did you like Louisiana?" he asked.

"Well it was a lot hotter there, so it took a while to get used to the heat. I liked hanging out with my friends. The streets during Mardi gras, the food and the music. I'm gonna miss my Sorors." I stared up at the stars.

"You were in a sorority?" he questioned.

"Yeah, Delta Sigma Theta," I smiled putting my hands up, palms facing out forming a triangle showing him the Delta hand sign. "I miss the parties. The step shows… the guys."

"All right, I get it. I hope you accomplish all your big plans Nala," he said as he patted my hand, holding it for a minute.

"Thanks for sitting with me. I've been having trouble sleeping lately," I added

"No problem, I know how that feels." he chuckled and stood up "You should go back into the house. I won't have Em on my back because I kept you out late."

"I think I'm old enough to be out on the porch."

"Well, I'm gonna go home and go to sleep," he said, hugging me.

"Good night, Jake," I called to him as he walked away.

"Good night, Nala."


	2. Welcome Back

I woke up early the next morning. I threw on a robe and made my way towards the kitchen. There was a coffee mug for me set out on the counter. I poured myself a cup and said good morning to Emily.

"Good Morning, how did you sleep?" Emily asked. She was taking cinnamon rolls out of the oven.

"Pretty good," I replied. I did finally go to sleep after tossing and turning for most of the night. It was way too quiet here. I missed the noises from the city.

Sam came in the kitchen and said good morning to us. He kissed his wife and rubbed her round belly. We sat down to eat breakfast. As we were eating, there was a knock on the back door. I turned around to see my Aunt Sue enter with her arms stretched wide. We embraced and I started crying. I haven't seen her since my mom's funeral. Aunt Sue was my rock. She was the one who was by my side when my mom passed. It was hard finding the courage to call her. Mom didn't have any family that I could count on. My grandparents cut her off when she married my father. The night my mom died, I paced the floor of the hospital thinking about what I would say to Aunt Sue when she picked up the phone. I wasn't even sure if she would talk to me. Mom stopped talking to her years ago, and I never understood why she cut off all communication with the only family we had. I had swiped Aunt Sue's number from one of the letters she sent to mom. When she answered I apologized for the long separation and begged her to forgive me. She hopped a flight in the wee hours of the morning to be by my side as my mom took her final breaths. When I had no strength to move, she made all the funeral arrangements.

"Aww, baby, stop crying. I missed you too." She said, as she wiped the tears from my eyes with her hands.

"I have something I want to show you after breakfast."

An hour later, Aunt Sue, Emily and I got into the car for a drive to our unknown destination. I had a feeling that I knew where we were going. My suspicions were confirmed when I recognized the dirt road that led to the driveway before we approached it. We pulled up to a simple brick house that was in the middle of a clearing. Aunt Sue's old house was a short walk to the right. She left the house to Seth and Leah when she married Charlie. My house stood there as a quiet reminder of the past. It was strange for the house to be so silent. It had so much life in it before my dad died. Although we rebuilt we couldn't bring back the energy that kept that house alive. Aunt Sue handed me the keys, and my hands shook as I unlocked the door. My eyes were closed as I stepped through the entrance. For a brief second, I expected to see my dad sitting in his favorite chair and my mom in the kitchen. When I opened my eyes I saw a small group gathered in the living room, Leah, Seth and Chief Swan.

Charlie, this is Nala," Aunt Sue said. I had heard a lot about Charlie in the last few months. He wasn't unable to attend my mom's funeral, so this was the first time we met.

"Hi, Nala, welcome back," he stated.

"Thanks, Charlie," I replied. I felt shy all of a sudden. It was sad that I hardly remembered anyone.

I walked around the house taking in my surroundings. Everything was different. There were new floors and carpet. I noticed new cabinets and counters in the kitchen. I walked upstairs, lining the hallway there were pictures of me and my parents. I wondered where did, Aunt Sue find all these? I walked into the front bedroom and a surprised gasp escaped my lips.

"Wow!" I exclaimed.

The room was painted my favorite color lavender. There was a queen size bed and two dressers. I stood in the middle of the room speechless. Emily, Aunt Sue and Leah walked into the room. Aunt Sue spoke first,

"Nala, sweetheart, we thought that you would like to return to your home. We fixed the place up so you could live here."

"What about my things?" I asked.

"All taken care of, your things will arrive on Tuesday. I even packed some of your things for tonight. I wasn't sure if you wanted to stay at our house after you saw this," Emily replied. I walked over and hugged everyone.

"Thank you, everyone," I said, surprised.

I was astonished that they would do all this, knowing my stay here was only for the summer. I had a full scholarship to attend UCLA's Production/Directing Master's program. Ever since I was old enough to own a video camera, I was filming something. Mom and Dad brought my first one when I was eight. I created movies about, frogs, trees, and the ocean, anything I could. When we moved to New Orleans I filmed many short films with my friends. I had made a video about my mother as part of the application process. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be accepted into the school. I enjoyed the early morning talking to my family and laughing at Seth's jokes. Leah was talking about Isaiah and was actually glowing. She talked about how generous he was. She said they were starting their own charity for the kids in Seattle. She also hoped to start a scholarship program for the rez kids. Once I met him, I would have to thank Isaiah for the new entertainment system and living room furniture. Leah said they wanted to give me a welcome home gift. My family left the house shortly before noon. Before they left, Charlie invited me to come to the house for dinner later on in the week. I agreed. It would be good to spend some time with my Aunt. Leah and I drove into town and ended up at a small diner. The waitress came over to take our orders. We both ordered a burger, some fries and an iced tea.

"So little cousin, what's been up with you? I haven't spoken to you in months. I know you're excited about going to Cali,"

"Lee, I am soo excited. I've wanted to direct movies for as long as I can remember and now it looks like it's really gonna happen."

"Mom is so glad you're back. With Seth working and me in Seattle all the time, she's glad to have someone to fuss over."

"I miss having someone to fuss over me. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to come back and see you guys. I never understood what made my mom wanna leave."

"Nala, your mom wanted you to have a good life. She didn't want you to be a cashier at Wal-Mart or get knocked up by some rez boy at sixteen. Look at you. You have a degree, and you got accepted into one of the best film schools in the country."

"I know that Lee, but I gotta feeling it was more than that. She was scared when we left. She didn't even tell your mom where we were. I don't know. I always felt like she knew something and didn't wanna tell me."

"We always hoped she'd call one day. I know everyone is glad you came back. We can't make up for all the years that were lost, but I hope you know we're all here for you now."

"I know," I replied. I knew she was right. I hoped one day I'd have the answers to all my questions. I just couldn't understand what could have been so dangerous here, that she felt we had to move halfway across the country to avoid it. La Push always had its little quirks, but it never was scary to me. I did notice some changes leading up to the time we left. Leah and Seth got sick that year. They both started acting really strange. I thought it was weird when Leah stopped coming to our house. She was really close to my mom. She could come and talk to her when she couldn't talk to her own mother. We had all been through a lot in such a short period of time, so nobody gave it too much thought.

The waitress came over with our food. She smiled and told us to let her know if we needed anything. Leah and I started to eat.

"By the way, what's up with the looks you were giving Jake last night?"

I gave her a surprised look. I was embarrassed that she noticed and started laughing nervously.

"Okay, you caught me. I had a crush on him when I was a kid. I had no idea he looked like that! Somebody should have warned me."

"You should see the chicks that walk by his shop. It's hilarious. I think some of them crash their cars on purpose just so they can go to him."

"Speaking about cars, I need one. You think we can stop by his shop on the way home?"

"Sure," she replied "You know Jake's been there for me whenever I needed him. When my dad died he was the only person I talked to. I annoyed the hell out of everyone. Hell, I annoyed him too. I was so mean to him and he still stuck by me. I was lashing out at all the people who loved me. I know he went through a lot. He should have never come back after what she did to him. She was such a selfish little bitch. I hope my "step-sister" never comes back."

"Wow, Lee, no happy family reunion for you, huh?"

"I'm serious, Nala, she never gave a damn about him. She played him and he was too caught up in loving her to notice it. She did what she could to get him to stick around her and as soon as pretty boy wooed her with all his riches, she was gone," Leah replied shaking her head.

"Are you sure Jake never got over her? He looked pretty happy last night."

"You should see the last four girls he dated. They look like copies of the bitch. Right down to the brown eyes and hair. One even dressed like her."

Jake did a pretty good job of hiding how he felt. At least from what I saw. I thought about the conversation we had on the porch and how nice it felt just talking to him. We finished eating our food and paid our waitress.

After we left the diner, Leah took me to the market so I could get a few things. I wasn't the typical broke college student. I was grateful that I had some money put away in a saving account, since both of my parents had life insurance policies. I didn't plan on living on that money, so I would have to get a job for the summer. On the way home we drove past Jake's auto repair shop. I noticed three cars had for sale signs on them. I got out and took a look. It was a small shop that rested on the corner of Main Street. There were two garages in the front. Several cars took up the asphalt in the front of the shop. I looked inside and saw someone lying on the floor under a red sedan.

"Hello?" I called out. The person slid out from under the car.

"Can I help you?" An olive skinned man asked. He stood about five foot nine inches with short cropped black hair. I was disappointed, because he was not the person I was looking for.

"Um, I was looking for Jacob?'' I squeaked out.

"Oh, he'll be back in about an hour" He said moving towards me. He was trying to be discreet as he checked out my shapely figure. I was wearing tight jeans and a pink hoodie. I turned and noticed Leah coming up behind me.

"Hey, Jose, what's going on?" she asked smiling at him

"Leah, what's up girl? Tell my man Isaiah I'm rooting for him next season."

"Will do. Hey is Jake selling these cars out front or what? He's got a customer," Leah replied.

"He'll be right back. The name's Jose, by the way," Jose said, extending a hand.

"Hi, Jose, I'm Nala," I replied, shaking his hand.

"I'm sorry, so much for a formal introduction," Leah said

"Whatever, you are so rude," I joked. She gave me a shove and we laughed.

"You're more than welcome to stay and wait for him to come back. You're lucky though, usually he's at the other shop by now," Jose said.

"Alright we can wait. I don't wanna be this woman's chauffer forever," Leah said pointing to me.

"Hey! I thought you like driving Miss Daisy!" I shouted, pretending to be offended.

"There's a record store around the corner from here. I know how much you like your old school music," Leah replied.

"Okay," I said, following her back to the car.

"Jose, we'll be back in an hour," Leah shouted.

We went in the record store and shopped around killing time for an hour. I had picked up some of my favorites. My mom was a big fan of old school R & B and Hip Hop. As a child I got to listen to all the greats Luther Vandross, Teena Marie, Rick James, New Edition and my all-time favorite Prince. She would break out the old record player and play 45's. Every Saturday we would listen to music while cleaning the house. I still have that old record player. It's one of the few things that I had from my childhood. After paying for the records we made our way back to the shop. I noticed a new Mustang parked in front of the shop. I was admiring the car when Jake came out the shop and approached us.

"Yours?" I asked, pointing to the shiny blue car.

"Yup, I got it about a month ago," he replied

"V8 engine, is it a 5.0 or 5.4?"

"What do you know about that?" Jacob asked.

"I know my way around a Mustang."

"OK, well it's a 5.4L Supercharged 4V V8," he replied

"I thought so; this is the Coupe GT 500 right?" I asked

"Yeah, wow I'm impressed," he replied

"Told you I know my Mustangs," I stated smiling

"Alright enough with the Mustang foreplay, Nala needs a car," Leah said interrupting my lust of Jacob's car.

"Did you see something you liked?" he asked.

I wanted to say "you" but instead I pointed towards the black Toyota Camry sitting in front.

"How much?" I asked

"That's four thousand," he replied.

"Sold, fill me in on the details," I said.

He led us into his small office to talk in private. He sat down at his desk, which was covered in papers. He pulled out a drawer that was also filled with papers. He got up and looked in a messy file cabinet. Finally he found what he was looking for, which happened to be the title for the car.

"Jeez, Black! This place is a mess!" Leah exclaimed

"Yeah, I know. I just haven't had the time to do anything about it. I need to hire somebody to work in the office."

Leah nudged me.

"Jake, I have some front office experience and I need a job. How about you hire me for the summer? " I asked.

"Sounds good to me, Can you work ten am to seven pm?"

"Sure, we can discuss everything after I finish buying this car."

Jake went over the details and I paid for my new car. By the time we left I had a new car and a new job.


	3. Here's to New Beginnings

Moving into my own home was both exciting and terrifying. I never lived on my own. I spent the first night in my house tossing and turning, trying to get used to my quiet surroundings. I was so used to city noises that it took me a while to get used to no noise at all. I woke up early Saturday morning and decided to fix myself a quick breakfast before I went running. I ran track all through high school and for the first two years of college. When my mom got sick, I abandoned all my extracurricular activities to take care of her. I ate quickly, threw on some sweats, grabbed my iPod and walked out my door. It was drizzling when I stepped off my porch and made my way down the path towards the main road. Nothing had changed since I left, so there was no way I could get lost. I jogged down the main road for about a mile or two and passed a well-worn path that lead to the cemetery. I hadn't seen my father's grave in ten years. I walked down the path for a few minutes and there in the clearing was the cemetery. I walked through a few rows of headstones until I found my dad's. I kneeled beside my dad's grave and cleared the ivy and moss that covered the stone.

"Joseph R. Clearwater June 2 1965-March 27 2004," The stone read. I wiped a few tears away on my sleeve.

"Hi, Daddy, you would be so proud of me. I have my degree in fine arts and I'm going to UCLA in the fall for my masters. I miss you so much. I'm sorry I haven't been here to see you. I wish you and mommy were here." Never in my life did I feel as alone as I did in that moment. My parents had both died so suddenly, that I never had a chance to full grasp that both my parents were really gone. I spent about twenty minutes cleaning off his plot and talking to him. When I left, I made a promise that as long as I was here, I would place fresh flowers on his grave weekly. My only regret was that my mom wasn't buried here with him. We cremated her. I just couldn't deal with seeing her in a casket. Her ashes were in an urn that was kept in my house.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. I arrived at the shop on Monday morning exactly at ten am. Jake gave me a tour of the place and showed me where I would sit. It was a small desk outside of his office. On the desk was a computer and the phone, There was also a huge stack of paperwork. Well at least I'd be busy on my first day. I walked over to my desk and sat down. Jake leaned on the desk.

"If you need anything, just let me know. Did you have any questions?"

"Not really, everything's kinda self-explanatory," I replied

"There's more paperwork in my office. It hasn't changed since you saw it Friday," Jake said pointing in the direction of his office. I shuddered.

"It looks like business is really booming for you," I said.

"Well the truth is; there wasn't much competition. The town is so small, there's only on other shop here. His shop doesn't have all the high tech stuff that I have. I opened the shop in Port Angeles because Paul and Rachel. They recommended the shop to their friends up there. Soon, I had a bunch of folks driving down here for me to work on their cars. It got to be too much. Davis run's my shop there. I go up there twice, sometimes three times a week. Davis run's a pretty tight ship. He's a lot more organized than I am. I have three guys that work full time here, and three at the other shop," Jake said.

"Well, I'm gonna get started," I said getting up and walking into his office.

He walked over to one of the cars and started working on it. Soon the other guys arrived and the shop became active and noisy. I shut the door to Jake's office and began the long tedious job of organizing. Sometime around noon, Jose stuck his head in and asked me if I wanted something from the sandwich shop around the corner. I nodded yes and asked for a turkey sandwich. I stopped working long enough to eat my sandwich and talk with the guys. James and Brian were the other two mechanics in the shop. Brian was tall and skinny with bright red hair that was cut extra short. He was older than the other guys, but he was a kid at heart. His side of the shop was covered with comic books and anime drawings. James was chocolate brown with a smile that could light up a room. He was a stocky man with shoulder length locks and bright hazel eyes. Being the only woman here wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Each one of the guys was attractive in their own way. Jacob was still the best looking of the bunch, at least in my opinion. He looked absolutely delicious in coveralls with a white T-shirt peeking out. His hair was short and his russet brown skin was shiny from sweating. The sleeves of his coveralls were rolled up revealing his toned biceps. I went outside to get some air, because it was hot inside the shop. Outside was totally different, it was still slightly cool for early June. I brought a light sweater to put on if the air conditioner was on in the office. I really didn't need it though. I was dressed in a short sleeve shirt and jeans. I went back inside after my short break and finished organizing the office. When the shop closed at seven, I had the whole office organized. I showed Jake where everything was. He was surprised that I got it done in one day. I said goodbye and headed home.

When I got into the house I checked my messages. The moving company called and said my things would arrive at eight am tomorrow. Leah called to see how my first day at work went. I decided to get comfortable before I called her back. I took a long hot shower and changed into some cotton shorts and a tank top. I went downstairs to pull something together for dinner. After eating I called Leah.

"Finally, how'd your first day go?"

"Pretty good, Jake's office was a mess of course. I got to meet the other guys. Why didn't you tell me they were that good looking?"

"Doesn't James have the prettiest eyes?"

"Yes."

"So, I wanted you to come to Seattle Saturday for a party. Isaiah's planning this big thing to celebrate his new contract. I've invited the guys and my mom. So you have no other choice."

"I have nothing to wear."

"Meet me in Port Angeles on Friday, I know a place."

"Cool, I'll see you then."

We talked for a few more minutes then hung up. I watched a little TV and then decided to call it a night.

_It didn't take me long to fall asleep. Once I was in a deep slumber, I began dreaming. It was the same dream that seemed to haunt me many nights. I'm in water. I've been swimming for a long time. The water starts to rise. It's now up to my shoulders. I can hear my mother screaming for me. I can't see her, but I know she's close. I yell for her as the water rises up to my face. I kick and scream again trying to find the strength to keep going. The water rises over my head. I'm drowning. I…can't … breathe._

I sit up in the bed, covered in sweat. My heart is beating rapidly. It feels like it's gonna pound out of my chest. I start my breathing exercises to slow down the pace. I get up and take my medicine, then contemplated calling Leah or Aunt Sue. I looked at the clock when I got up. It's about two in the morning. I wasn't gonna bother them. Although they both were familiar with my panic attacks, I just didn't feel right calling them. I started having the attacks after my mom died. I decide to just turn on the TV and let the sound lull me to sleep. I spend the next two hours watching Cosby Show reruns. Finally, I was able to go back to sleep.

The next morning my things were finally delivered. I spent the morning unpacking some clothes and pictures. Soon it was time for me to go to work. I arrived at work with some much needed coffee. Jake was already in the shop. He was singing off key to "_I want you back_" by *NSync. I laughed and walked over to him singing the next verse in perfect harmony. He stood there looking at me.

"Wow, I didn't know you could sing. You have a beautiful voice."

"Thanks. I just do it for fun. I'm not taking the show on the road or anything."

He laughed. We talked as he got the shop ready to open up. Soon the guys started coming in. The day was slow, so we all talked about the news, entertainment, favorite singers and music in general. Everyone really made me feel at home. They made the day go by fast. It was closing time before I knew it. I said goodnight and was at my car when Jake stopped me.

"Are you going to Leah's party?"

"She didn't give me the option of saying no."

"Well, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to ride to Seattle with me. It just seems easier since we're going the same way. I mean, if you weren't planning on going with anyone else?" Jake asked.

"No, that sounds good. Since we're going the same way, it really doesn't make sense to drive separate cars. I will need to leave early Saturday to get ready. She is insisting that we get dressed up for this event."

"I know. I can't tell you the last time I actually got dressed for something. Sure I think I can let you slide. See you tomorrow."

On Friday, Leah met me at the boutique. She had become such a fashionista since I last saw her. Folks wouldn't believe this was the same Leah that wore dirty cut-offs and ratty t-shirts on a daily basis. She showed up to the shop in a tan Burberry trench coat, tight jeans, a vintage Beatles t-shirt, and ankle booties. Her wrists were covered in black bangles. I never pictured my cousin as a runway model, but the way folks stopped and stared at her tall figure, I would have believed she was one. She smiled at the saleswoman as she pulled me in for a hug. The lady had a hungry look in her eyes, like she was gonna fight off anyone in the way of her fat commission. Leah and I walked around looking at dresses on the racks. She pulled out two for me to try on. I grabbed a red dress with cut-outs on the sides and a royal blue strapless dress. I walked in the dressing room and tried on the red dress first. It was way too tight and revealing. The cut-out exposed the sides of my stomach down to my hips. There was a deep V in the front that exposed way too much cleavage.

"Well this one is out," I said as I looked at myself in the three-way mirror.

"Not the look you were going for huh?"

"Nope."

I walked over to the rack and picked up a bronze one shoulder dress with beading on the hem and shoulder.

"Try it on," Leah said

I went back into the dressing room and put it on. It fit well and accentuated my curves. When I walked out Leah smiled.

"That's perfect, you are gonna turn heads in that dress."

"Thanks, I think I'll get it."

After paying for the dress we went out to dinner and talked about tomorrow night's party.

"I think Isaiah's gonna ask me to marry him tomorrow," Leah said after we sat down.

"Really? How do you know that he's gonna propose?" I asked

"Well, he's been acting strange all week. First, he knows I don't wear a ring or any kind of jewelry on a regular basis. He kept asking me what kind of jewelry I liked. Then I swear he tried to measure my finger in my sleep. I just have a feeling that tomorrow night is the night."

"You guys have been together for a long time. I hope he asks you tomorrow. Oh my God, Lee, now I'm excited!"

"I never thought this day would come," she said solemnly.

"What? Leah, you are an awesome person and Isaiah loves you soo much, girl."

"I know. I'm just letting my insecurities get the best of me."

The next evening I was putting the finishing touches on my hair and makeup. I wore my hair in loose waves that cascaded down past my shoulders. I kept my makeup light. I was wearing eye shadow, lashes and a little bit of lip gloss. I looked in the mirror again making sure everything was in place. I had to admit I looked pretty good. I was anxious about spending three hours alone in the car with Jacob. We hardly knew each other. We were five years apart and I'm sure we had little in common. Last time we saw each other I was very little. Growing up in La Push it was next to impossible to not run into him. A lot of time had passed and I was afraid that I would have nothing to say to him. But that wasn't the main thing that had me worried. The thing that troubled me now was that, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Everything about him screamed sexy. I knew I still had a crush on him.

I would catch myself looking at him in the shop all the time. He had become somewhat of a sex symbol in our tiny community. During the week I saw so many girls stop and stare at him before walking to their destinations. I saw the looks on the women's faces as they came in with really simple car problems that only Jacob could fix. I wasn't the only one who was attracted to Jacob Black. What could he possibly see in me? I shook my head as I looked to see what time it was. It was four forty-five. Jake would be here at five. I grabbed my clutch and walked downstairs. I flipped through some channels on the TV. My stomach was a bundle of nerves. I knew I had to calm down. I texted Leah and let her know we were leaving soon. I jumped at the knock on my door. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Jacob stood there smiling. He was wearing a pale blue dress shirt and black slacks. His shirt was accented by a navy blue tie. He looked really good.

"You look great," he said in awe, as he took a step back and looked at me from head to toe. "Are you ready to go?"

"Thanks, so do you. Let me lock up and we can go," I replied. I turned off the TV and locked the doors. When we got to the car, he opened the door for me. I mumbled thanks as I got in. He was driving the Mustang. I was enjoying the plush leather seats. He joked that I was having a love affair with his car. I couldn't help stealing looks of him all dressed up. We started talking, mostly about what was going on at the shop and some gossip. Soon he was turning onto the interstate.

"So, how's you dad? It's been a long time since I last seen him-*-."

"He's good. I can't get him to leave the old house though. He's so damn stubborn."

"I know how that is. My mom was the same way. Where are you living now?" I asked

"About five minutes away from you. I brought Abby Stone's house. She passed away about a year ago. I brought the house from her son. After a million repairs, it's actually a nice house. You can come by one day and check it out."

"Thanks, I'd like that. She was such a nice old lady. She always gave us candy. I used to ruin my appetite many nights."

He laughed.

"So Ms. Clearwater, how long will you be staying in La Push?"

"I'll be here until the end of August. I'll have some time with my family; then it's off to sunny California. At least I'll be on the same coast for a change."

"That's true. I know Sue is glad to have you back in La Push. She has another person to fuss over."

"That's my Auntie. She's not happy unless she fussing over one of us. Leah's in Seattle when she's not working and Seth, well, we all know what he does. So I guess that just leaves me."

"I just wanted to let you know I appreciate all the help you're giving me at the shop. I know the guys will miss you when you're gone."

"I'm gonna miss them too. I'm having a good time working with everyone. Thanks for giving me a job."

"Anytime" he replied. We were quiet again. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence with him. I thought we wouldn't have much to talk about for the drive. We actually talked most of the way and when we weren't talking, there wasn't a need to fill up the time with mindless chatter.

We pulled up in front of Isaiah's condo and Jake gave the keys to the valet. He looked like he was dropping his only child off when gave up the keys to his car. We walked into the lobby and were greeted by a very friendly security guard. We were then directed to an elevator and took it to the penthouse floor. Jake and I stepped off the elevator we were greeted by Leah. She was dressed in an asymmetrical halter, black and nude colored bandage dress. She was wearing nude colored pumps. Her jet black hair was pulled up in a simple but elegant upsweep. She smiled and hugged us both.

"Leah, you look fantastic," I said

"Thank you. You're looking mighty fantastic yourself," she said looking at me. "You're looking OK tonight, Black," Leah said acknowledging Jacob.

"Thanks, Lee, but I think I look better than OK," Jake said posing like a fashion model.

"Yeah, yeah, you're alright. Come in, let me give you guys the grand tour."

The great room was already crowded with family and friends. The large room was surrounded by widows giving a panoramic view of Downtown Seattle and the harbor. Right ahead of us was a large balcony with a fire pit. I walked over and hugged Aunt Sue and Emily as soon as I saw them sitting on the couch. Sam wasn't here which was not uncommon. Although Leah and Emily made amends, there still was tension between the former couple. We talked to them for a while. Leah also introduced to Isaiah's parents, Jean and Mike. Leah showed us the guest bedrooms, the game room and the master bedroom. Then we were led into the kitchen where I finally met the man that captured my cousin's heart.

"Isaiah Sims, this is my cousin Nala, and one of my best friends, Jacob Black," Leah said.

We hugged and he shook hands with Jake. To say he was handsome was an understatement. Isaiah was about six foot three. He was caramel brown with deep set hazel eyes that sparkled when he talked about "his girl"

"Wow, it's so nice to finally meet you guys. Leah talks about you all the time Nala. She's so proud of you."

"By the way, congratulations on the new contract," I said

"Thanks, I'm just glad Seattle wants me around for six more seasons."

"You guys did great last season," Jake added. He and Isaiah started a football conversation and that was our cue to leave.

We ended up talking and laughing with Seth. Soon it was time to eat dinner. Leah and Isaiah had the dining room turned into a buffet. We dined on shrimp, lobster tails and filet mignon. After dessert and coffee we all gathered in the great room. Isaiah was going to make the big announcement about his new contract. He stood in the middle of the floor and started talking.

"Alright everybody knows I was blessed with a new contract. The Seahawks have renewed my contract for ten million a year for six years" There were gasps and applause, Isaiah put his hand up to quiet everyone. "But, that's not what I called you all here for. I wanted to thank my girl Leah for being there for me. She's always there when I need her. Let me tell you a little story about my baby girl. When I first met Leah, I was fresh off the bus from Alabama. It was my rookie year and I didn't know a soul here. I went to this restaurant with my team mates, because somebody said they had really good steaks. Well guess whose section they sit us in? Yup it was hers. She was a good server, but she didn't make small talk, she hardly smiled, but she was quick. I was crazy about her from the start. I just didn't know how to get her to notice me. So I decided to leave her a huge tip. She brought it back to me! I couldn't believe she wasn't impressed by my baller status." He made a face and we laughed.

"She saw right through that. I was only trying to impress a pretty girl. So I kept coming back. I'd ask the hostess to seat me in her section. I'd make her laugh; she has the most beautiful smile by the way. I knew that if I could show her what a great guy I was, she'd let down her guard a bit. Slowly she started to show me who the real Leah was. I'm saying all this to say, Leah, baby we've been together for five years now and I love you more and more each day. I would be nothing without you. You have supported me during all my rants and complaints. When I felt like I couldn't do it, you gave me that kick in the butt to keep going. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?" He got on one knee in front of her and pulled out a tiny box. Leah paused for a second as tears formed in her eyes. She never cried. What the hell? I sure was surprised by her reaction.

"Yes," she said. They kissed and embraced while everyone around them clapped. He put the ring on her finger. She walked around the room showing it to his parents and her mom. Champagne was being passed around and everyone toasted to the newly engaged couple. I grabbed two glasses and looked around for Jacob. I walked out onto the terrace and saw him admiring the view. He was leaning up against the balcony looking at the harbor. It was a clear night and the lights from the buildings illuminated the sky. I walked over to him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I hope she doesn't think I'm not happy for her. I just needed to get some air."

"Hey you wanna drink?" I handed him the glass.

"Sure. Let's toast to new beginnings and making it big," Jake said raising his glass.

"Deal," I replied as our glasses clinked together. I took a sip of my champagne and took a look at the view.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked

"Sure."

"What happened? Why don't you like proposals?"

"Oh that," he paused taking another sip from his glass. "It's a long story," he sighed.

"Well, you can tell me the short version."

"It's silly. I was stupid to think that I actually had a shot. It's nothing really. I'm still pining over my teenage love," he replied, looking sheepish.

"It's not silly. It's hard to get over your first love. Some people never do,"

"Well with mine, we were never together. She was my best friend. We did everything together. Just when I thought she felt the same way about me, she couldn't decide who she wanted more. She enjoyed being with me, but I guess I wasn't good enough. She just left. No note or nothing. I found out later that she eloped with the other guy. Guess I just didn't move on. It's been ten years and I haven't seen her since."

"Oh Jake, I'm so sorry," I said placing my hand on his shoulder.

"It's alright. I'm out here pouting like a little girl and my best friend just got engaged. Boy, she must think I'm an ass."

"You are not. Leah's fine. We can talk to her later. She's being bombarded by people right now."

"I guess I haven't been much company for you either. I suck as a date too."

I paused for a moment, I didn't see tonight as a date. We just drove in the same car to get to the same destination.

"You do not. I'm having a great time. You just need to loosen up some. When was the last time you really had fun?"

He shrugged.

"Come on, they're playing some music. Let's dance."

"I can't dance."

"Just move to the beat. I won't make it too hard for you."

I grabbed his hand and had to stop myself from recoiling in response to the feeling that came over me. He was soo warm. Butterflies began to flutter in my stomach. I shrugged off the feeling and led him back into the great room. Everyone was dancing. I started off slow just moving to the beat. He was so funny. I have no idea what beat he was moving to. I grabbed his hand to get him to follow the beat. I started counting out loud and clapping to the beat to help him find it. By the time the song ended he was getting better.

"Sing a song for us Nala," Seth shouted

"_Great Seth, just let everybody know I can sing_," I thought. Gah! My cousins can be so embarrassing at times.

"Yeah, Nala please sing a song?" Leah asked.

"OK. Since I was forced to perform, I dedicate this song to the happy couple. Congratulations guys."

I closed my eyes and started to sing

"_Lately when I look into your eyes I realize  
You're the only one I need in my life  
Baby I just don't know how to describe  
How lovely you made me feel inside_

You give me butterflies Got me flying so high in the sky  
I can't control the butterflies"

I opened my eyes and looked directly at Jacob. His eyes were closed and he was totally engrossed in the sound of my voice. I'm glad he wasn't looking. I would have turned to goo if I had to stare into his dark eyes. I hoped he wasn't paying attention to the lyrics. The song was totally how I felt about him. God, I'm such a groupie. When I finished everyone applauded. Leah hugged me.

"Are you sure, singing is just a hobby Nala? I mean wow! Your voice is amazing," Isaiah said.

"Yup, it's just a hobby. I want to direct movies."

"Well if you ever need something to fall back on, singing is definitely your thing."

"Thanks Isaiah," I replied.

"He's right you know," Jacob said from behind me.

I turned around to face him.

"Thanks. I want direct as good as I sing."

"When your movie comes out, I'll be first in line."

"Thanks, Boss."

After being thoroughly embarrassed by all the well-wishers, someone turned on the music again and everybody started dancing again. After a few fast songs played, someone thought it was funny to turn on a slow one. I sighed as I looked at my cousin dancing happily in the arms of her brand new fiancé. Jacob walked over to me.

"It's only fair that I show off some of my new found dancing skills," he said extending his hand out for me to take it.

Even though I thought I would collapse at the feeling of being in his arms, I accepted. We walked out on the floor and he pulled me close to him. He held one of my hands in his and the other was around my waist.

"Are you having a good time now?" I asked

"Yeah, the night turned out to be very nice. Thanks for cheering me up and teaching me how to dance," he said.

"No problem. Glad I could make you feel better," I said. We swayed to the music without saying much. When the song ended I felt like that was the longest four minutes of my life. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. After shutting the door I splashed some water on my face and retouched my makeup. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was blushing. I smiled thinking about how it felt dancing with him. "_OK, let me get my mind right_." I thought. I couldn't sit in Isaiah's bathroom all night. I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom.

When I walked back in the room, thank God nobody noticed I left. Well nobody except for Jacob. He was talking to Leah. He gave me a look that asked if I was alright. I nodded yes and grabbed a soda. The music started up again and Isaiah's mom started the "Electric Slide", and everyone joined in. We were having so much fun, but soon it was time to head back home.

I hugged Leah and Isaiah as we were leaving.

"I'll call you tomorrow!" I shouted

"Text me when you get home."

"I'll make sure she gets back home in one piece," Jake shouted back.

We got into the car and made the long journey back to La Push.

**AN: The electric slide is a line dance. Everybody moves the same way. If you know what it is, then I'm sure if you've ever been to a family reunion or wedding, you've done it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Stephanie Meyer own Twilight, I don't. If I did I'd be rich. Anyway when we last left Jacob and Nala things were starting to get interesting. **

**July**

I had settled into a pretty regular routine by the time July rolled in. I worked, decorated my house, hung out with Leah or Emily and avoided my budding feelings for my boss with a vengeance. The last few weeks seemed to be the busiest time in the shop. Jake and the guys had a steady stream of cars to work on. The day before the Fourth of July we were in the shop working. I had greeted a bunch of customers and the phone was ringing off the hook. Apparently people like to have their cars worked on before they went away for the holiday weekend. There was some festival going on tomorrow. I noticed there were a few more people than usual walking around town. The guys in the shop were in a great mood. Everyone was excited about tomorrow's cookout. Every year, Jake closed the shop on the Fourth and hosted a big bonfire and barbeque on the beach for his employees, family and friends.

I had just printed out the invoices for the week and I was walking towards Jake's office. The door was closed, which wasn't uncommon. I knocked and opened to door. I was startled to see my boss in all his shirtless glory. I thought my eyes were going to bug out of my head. Sweet Jesus! He was beautiful! He was in the middle of changing t-shirts when I busted in the door. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I should have knocked." I stammered looking down at the floor.

"You did knock, it's my fault for not locking the door," he replied as he pulled the shirt down over his torso. He didn't seem to be ashamed of being caught without a shirt on. I looked back up into time to see everything. I could have sworn that happened in slow motion. I had no idea he was so damn cut. His abs and that other muscle that looks like a "V" were impressive. He didn't have a six pack; it was more like an eight pack! His russet skin shined like a new penny in the light. I was stuck in the spot I was standing in. I was so caught up in the moment, I wasn't even aware that he was talking to me.

"What did you say?" I asked

"Are those the invoices?" he asked again.

"Oh yeah," I replied sheepishly "I'll just put these on your desk,"

"Thanks," he replied taking them out of my hand.

"No problem, I'll be at my desk if you need anything," I said

"I know where to find you," he replied.

I walked out his office and sat at my desk. This man was gonna give me a heart attack before I turned twenty two.

The rest of the day was uneventful. We finished the work for the day and closed for the evening. After locking up, Jake walked over to me.

"You're coming to the barbeque tomorrow, right?"

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for anything."

He stood there shuffling from one foot to the next. I sat there in my car waiting for him to spit out whatever he was gonna say. My couch and TV were waiting for me at home.

"Hey are you hungry? I mean do have any plans for tonight? " he asked rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

Was he asking me out?

"No, I don't have any plans. Why?"

"I was gonna grab a pizza, did you wanna come with me?"

"Sure, lead the way. I'll follow you." I said.

"OK," he replied.

We arrived at the local pizza shop and sat down in a booth by the window. The place looked like a typical small town pizza place. They actually had the red checkered table cloths and little red candles on each table. Jake said they had pretty good pizza here. Considering there wasn't a Taco Bell, KFC or McDonalds for miles around, this was as good as it gets. We could order beer there, which was a plus. It wasn't that crowded, but there were other people eating and talking. The place felt really cozy. I gazed out the window, looking at cars pass by. The waitress came over to take our order. She was native with long black hair pulled up in a ponytail. She had large brown eyes and long eyelashes. She looked really familiar. As usual, everybody noticed Jake first. She talked to him for a minute and turned to look at me.

"Nala Clearwater, is that you?" she asked.

"Yup, it's me," I replied trying to remember her name.

"It's me, Jamie Smith, we went to school together. We both were in Mrs. Jones' class. Oh my goodness it's so good seeing you."

I remembered Jamie. She was the only one that didn't give me the pity stare after my dad died. We would have been best friends if I stayed on the rez.

She told me that she was waiting tables and going to school part-time at Port Angeles Community College. She had to take a break when she had her son Ryan. She showed me a picture of an adorable two-year old with chubby cheeks. We chatted for a few minutes and she took our orders.

Jake ordered two large pies, one with pepperoni, sausage, and ham and a plain one. I chewed on a breadstick as we waited for the pizzas.

"How does it feel to be back?" Jake asked

"Good. I mean it feels strange at times. I haven't seen most of these people since I was eleven. I'm glad to see my family. My mom didn't acknowledge my Quileute side when we left. I think it reminded her too much of my father. I grew up only identifying with my black side. I didn't even notice it until I was in middle school. The girls used to tease me saying I was stuck up cuz I was mixed."

"Kids can be cruel. I know I got teased a lot when I started growing. I was all limbs. They used to whisper that I was taking steroids," Jake said

"Well, there's so much I don't know. So much I wanna know. That's the main reason I came back."

Jamie came back with our pizzas and we started to eat.

"So what's this I hear about you being Chief?" I asked.

"It's not as grand as it sounds. It was my birthright. It's not like I had to battle for the title. My Granddad was chief long ago. My dad didn't want to take the title and the counsel was giving us all a hard time about no one leading the Tribe, so I took it. I basically have an office that I listen to land disputes, keep track of the birth and death certificates and if there is ever some official Quileute business, I'm your man."

He was so humble about the responsibilities he had to take on. He was his dad's caretaker, chief of our tribe and business owner. All at the tender age of twenty six.

"How do you do it?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Stay so level headed? You do so much for everybody. Who do you lean on?" He smiled at my question and started blushing.

"I have really good friends and dad has always been there for me. The old man has some great advice. Especially when I get 'too big for my britches'," He said imitating his dad.

"Well you make it look so easy,"

"It's not, and there are times I doubt myself but I know that everybody's depending on me and it makes me work even harder."

"Yeah, I know how that feels."

Jake told me about what it was like after he came back. How hard it was to go back to school and get his education. He told me that the boys and Leah won some kind of scholarship to continue their education. The Platt Foundation awarded the guys with full scholarships to any school of their choosing. He also talked about the programs he started at the tribal school to help the kids finish high school. We finished eating and then said goodnight.

The next day, I drove out to First Beach. It had rained all week but this morning we were blessed with a sunny, cloudless day. The grill was going and four tables were overflowing with food. Aunt Sue had taken charge of cooking. Every family contributed something. Charlie was manning the grill with Billy's help. It was nice to see him again. We talked for a while. He said I looked a lot like my mother. Soon everyone started arriving. Sue shooed us away to "go have fun" I grabbed my blanket and put it on the sand. Leah came over a followed suit. The guys had decided to play football. Isaiah was in high demand today. He was on Jake's team, which consisted of Jake, James, Isaiah, Seth, Embry, Quil and Brian. The other team was made up of Sam, Jared, Paul, Davis, two guys from the other shop and Jose.

"Hey, you guys have an unfair advantage!" Jared shouted.

"I'm just playing for fun," Isaiah replied.

"You're alright man. Jay's just mad cuz he's getting ready to lose," Seth stated.

"Ha! We'll see," Jared shot back.

Leah got up and walked over to Seth.

"You watch my man out there guys, if he gets hurt I will fuck you up," Leah said calmly.

"Damn Lee, we're not gonna let anything happen to him!" Seth shouted.

"Just making sure," Leah said in a sugary sweet voice.

"I swear to God, she is so damn creepy!" Seth said loud enough for us all to hear.

"I heard that!" Leah called back. We laughed.

They played shirts versus skins. None of the girls in attendance complained about that. We all cat called from the side lines. I must say the guys did look awesome without shirts. They played for a while running back and forth along the surf. It was fun watching them. We made a bet that Jake's team was gonna win. Leah was talking to Kim and Seth's date Julie. She was showing off her four carat diamond ring. They were excited to hear about their impending wedding. Leah and Isaiah were planning to marry next April in a lavish ceremony. She was complaining that the paparazzi had already started taking their pictures in and around Seattle. It was the small price to pay since Isaiah's career was taking off. He was getting a lot of lucrative endorsements. We talked about her moving to Seattle permanently in the next year. She would teach one more year at the tribal school before she and Isaiah moved into a house. I stretched out on my blanket and felt the sun on my skin. I didn't notice that I fell asleep until I heard Aunt Sue say the food was ready. I heard the guys pushing their way to the tables. I grabbed a plate and sat back on my blanket. Jake and Isaiah walked over with plates piled high with food.

"Do you mind if we join you ladies?" Jake asked

"Nope, have a seat," I said

"The games over guys, you can put you shirts back on," I said

"The weather is awesome today, there's no way I'm putting a shirt back on," Jake said

"OK, but I just wanted to let you know Seth's date is staring pretty hard at you," I said pointing to Julie who was trying her best not to get caught staring.

"Is that so? I'm gonna clown him all day about that," Jake said winking.

"Aww, he's never gonna live that down," Leah said.

"Y'all are funny," Isaiah replied.

"See where I get it from? We wouldn't clown so hard if he didn't bring so many bimbos around us," Leah said

"She's not that bad," Jake said.

"She thought the Titanic was a war! Who the hell would think that?"

"That's random. How did you guys get on that topic?" Isaiah asked.

"We were talking about movies and I said my favorite director was James Cameron. She asked what movie did he make, and I said _Titanic_. Then she said "Wasn't that a war?" I said shaking my head. The guys laughed.

"Yeah he's got himself a real prize there," Isaiah replied.

"She won't last long, they never do." Leah stated.

"Why?" I asked

"He always dumps them after a month or two. Nobody has made it past that point."

We ate, then a short time later; Leah and Isaiah excused themselves to take a walk. That just left Jacob and me.

We both were quiet for a while. I was looking out at the ocean just enjoying the day.

"You are gonna stay for the fireworks, right?" Jake asked

"I wouldn't miss that. I love fireworks."

"Well I'm gonna go help the guys set up the bonfire. We're gonna make s'mores when it starts getting dark. Hopefully the weather will hold up for us. Save me a spot on the blanket."

"No problem," I replied.

Watching the guys set up the bonfire was interesting. They all seemed to work together as one. It was always like that here. My Quileute family was going about things as they normally would. I think that's what I missed. There wasn't much of my family left outside of this close knit community. I sat up on the blanket and wrapped my arms around my knees. The sun was setting giving off a pink hue in the distance. I couldn't think of anywhere else I wanted to be right at that moment. I looked over at the bonfire, now roaring to life. Its bright orange flames were lighting up the now semi-dark beach. I looked over at Jake and as our eyes met, he smiled at me. The people around us started gathering sticks of driftwood to put marshmallows on them. I saw Emily come over with a huge basket of marshmallows, chocolate bars and graham crackers. It was s'mores time. I got up from my spot on the blanket and dusted the sand off my shorts. I walked over to the group and took a spot near Seth. He was showing his date how to roast the marshmallow without them falling into the fire. I grabbed some from a nearby bag and started making my own. The scent of chocolate and toasted marshmallow filled the air. I started making my s'mores, when Jacob came over and sat next to me.

"Hey, are you sharing?"

"Nope, you gotta make your own," I replied laughing.

"That's messed up." he grabbed the bag and put five marshmallows on a stick.

"You're gonna burn them, that's too many to keep an eye on."

"Sweetheart, I am the king of s'mores making," Jake boasted as he put his into the fire.

"OK, your highness, we'll see."

A few seconds later, Jake pulled out his semi burnt marshmallows from the fire. Two were perfectly roasted. The other three were burnt to a crisp. We laughed as he put them in his mouth and quickly spit them out, burning his tongue in the process.

"You're supposed to put a square of chocolate and the graham crackers on it, before you shove flaming hot goo in your mouth," I said laughing at the goofy expression on his face. Not to mention he had sticky marshmallow on the side of his face.

"Oh, yeah I forgot that part," he replied.

"You've got marshmallow all on the side of your face."

He rubbed his face with his hand, only to move the goo further up his cheek.

"Did I get it?"

"Nope," I said grabbing a napkin I took his face in my hands and wiped the remainder of the marshmallow off his face. His skin was so soft and warm, it was hard to concentrate. He looked at me and it felt like his eyes were burning their way into my soul. I wanted to stop touching him. It felt way to intimate. I wished he would stop looking at me like that. I finished and stepped back.

"Thanks," he said

"You're welcome. Now let me show you how it's done."

I made a few s'mores and we ate and talked. Soon our conversation was interrupted by the sounds of fireworks being shot into the air. We sat there and looked at the fireworks turn the night sky bright. I knew right then and there that my feelings for Jacob were growing into something else. I didn't want it to. It's not that I didn't like him; I just didn't want to like him.

I left the bonfire shortly after the fireworks display. After saying goodbye to my cousins and friends, I made it home in a matter of minutes. I took a shower to wash the sand off and threw on some boxers and a tank top. Then, I turned on my mp3 player which was hooked up to my speakers. I set it on shuffle and went into the kitchen to make some popcorn. Ironically, Donnie Hathaway's "I love you more than you'll ever know" came on. It was my parent's favorite song. They would play it on the old record player and dance in the living room. I was so embarrassed when they did that. Now, I would give anything to see that again. I said a silent prayer hoping that somewhere in heaven they were still dancing to that song. A knock on the door jarred me out of my thoughts. Nobody came to visit me this late. I walked to the door and looked out. Jake was standing on my porch. I opened the door smiling.

"Hey neighbor, I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar," he said.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"You left your sunglasses. I was just bringing them to you."

"Thanks, I was looking for those. Hey come on in I was getting ready to watch a movie."

"You're not watching some touchy feely chick flick are you?"

"No, I'm watching Star Wars. It's been my favorite since I was a kid."

"Alright, I'll come in."

He walked inside and started admiring my photos.

"Is that you?" He asked pointing to a picture of me smiling with a toothless grin.

"Yeah, that's me. I was seven in that picture."

"Cute."

"Thanks, I have some pictures that I painted all around the house." I said pointing to the large landscape painting that hung in the dining room.

"Wow, is there anything you don't do?"

"I can't bake, I suck at math, I don't sleep, I bite my fingernails and I'm told I steal covers," I replied. He laughed.

"Let me see what else you've done,"

I showed him the sketch I did the night we talked on Sam and Emily's porch.

"This is beautiful," he said.

"Thanks. Come on, I'll get the popcorn and we can get this movie started."

I put the popcorn in a huge bowl and grabbed some sodas. We sat on opposite sides of the couch and I turned the movie on.

We sat there and talked for a while and soon turned our attention to the movie. Before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep. I slowly awoke to look around. The movie had ended and the main menu screen of the DVD was repeating. I looked around and noticed that I was lying on a pillow which was on Jacob's lap. There was a throw draped over my legs. I felt so warm and safe, but I still wondered how I got into this position. Last thing I remembered was sitting facing him on the couch with my legs tucked under me. We sat close to each other but I think I would remember resting on his lap. I spent a few minutes just listening to him breathing. We were so comfortable, I hated the thought of moving. However it probably would be difficult to explain this in the morning. I shifted a bit which caused him to move his arm so that it was now draped over my waist. His fingers were touching my exposed skin. He mumbled something in his sleep. It was a name, I couldn't make out. He leaned over and lightly kissed my forehead. I rolled over on my back as his hand moved up my shirt tracing the skin on my stomach. His eyes opened and he looked at me. I froze in place, unsure of what to do next. He gave me that look again. Just like when we were at the bonfire, I didn't want to give into that look. It made me feel too vulnerable. I knew I was fighting a losing battle though. My hands reached up and caressed his face. He smiled at me as he pushed my hair away from my face. He grabbed my hand and kissed the palm. I sat up and faced him. He ran his fingers through my hair and brought me to his lips. His lips were so soft. I kissed the top one, drawing it into my mouth with a soft bite. He growled with desire pulling me closer to him. The pillow on his lap fell and I straddled him, running my fingers through his hair. He placed soft kisses on my neck and collar bone. I moaned softly as my hips moved in circles on his lap. His hands were under my shirt running all over my skin setting it on fire. I helped him out of his shirt enjoying the beautiful sight of his bare chest. He slid my tank top off exposing a black satin bra. I was so glad I had the good one on. I kissed him on the neck allowing my tongue to trace the curve to his ear. As much as I wanted to take this further, second thoughts began to creep in. I liked him, but in less than six weeks, I'd be on my way to California. There was no way I'd responsible for breaking his heart a second time. My hormones were gonna be pissed at me. I stopped kissing him and slowly got off his lap.

"Sorry about that. I got carried away," I said

"It's okay so did I," he replied looking sheepish.

"I'm embarrassed, can we go back to the way it was before?"

"You mean pretend we aren't attracted to each other?"

"I don't know?" I shrugged "You're my boss and I just molested you on my couch."

"I know, I was there," he stated. I laughed at his little joke.

"It's not funny. What are we gonna do?"

"What do you want to do? We can go on and act like this never happened. We can deny our feelings for each other if it will make you feel better."

"Please, don't take it the wrong way. I really want to, but I don't want you to get hurt."

"Don't worry about me, do what you feel is right for you."

"Well, can we just call it a night? I need to clear my head."

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow," he said kissing me on the cheek as he grabbed his shirt and walked out my front door.

I knew I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. After a cold shower I went to bed confused. I didn't want to feel anything for him, but I did. This is so not what I expected when I came home. Could I just carry on like I didn't enjoy the way his hands felt on me? I liked every moment of it and wanted to do it again. Stupid hormones. I haven't been in a relationship since high school. Sure I've dated a few guys in college, but nothing serious. It had been a long time since I had sex with anyone. My ex-boyfriend Chris was the first and last. He wasn't worth mentioning, since he cheated during most of our so called relationship. I vowed to never let anyone get as close to my heart as he did. I hoped to keep it that way for as long as I could.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Yes, I'm Terrible. I don't update as often as I should. My life has been a little to a lot crazy these last couple of months. I'm sticking with finishing this story though. So here's chapter 5**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight**

The next morning I had to go to work as usual. I thought about calling out. I didn't think I could spend the whole day at the shop not being totally mortified about what happened last night. I needed the money, so I reluctantly got dressed and made my way into town. When I walked in the shop Brian and Jose waved as I made my way to my desk. They gave me a strange look which automatically made me self-conscious. Jake walked in about twenty minutes later. He smiled at me and mumbled good morning on his way to his office. I busied myself with paperwork as the first clients of the day walked into the shop. A white Nissan Maxima pulled up a short time later. The woman driving the car walked up to my desk. She was about five foot four, with long brown hair and really pale skin.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"No, they know who I am," she replied, looking bored.

"Hey, Sasha," Jose said looking nervous.

"Jose, is Jakey here?" she asked.

Jakey? I rolled my eyes on the sly and walked back to my desk.

"He's in his office," Jose sighed.

"Can you tell him I'm here?" she asked. Was she talking to me?

"I'll let him know you're here," I said, walking to his office. I know he heard all this. The glass that separated his office from the main garage wasn't soundproof.

"Yes, please do that."

"What a bitch," I said under my breath.

"Jakey, you have a visitor," I announced

"Huh?"

"There's a Sasha here to see you. She's quite a character," I replied.

Jake got up and walked out on the main floor.

"Hey Sasha, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"You won't return my calls Jakey. It's not like I don't know where you work."

"Sasha, I really don't have time for this. Let's go outside and talk," he said ushering her back to her car.

We all watched as they stood in front of her car and had what looked and sounded like a very heated argument. After they argued for a while, she jumped into her car, flipped him the bird and drove off. It would have been funny if I didn't see the distressed look on his face. He started walking back into the shop and we hurried to look busy.

"Nala, can I see you in my office?"

"_Shit,"_ I thought. "Sure, I'll be right in," I said. I followed him in the office, closing the door behind me.

"Sorry about that. We put on quite a show for you guys,"

'Really, I hardly noticed that," I said

"Liar."

"Okay, so who is this Sasha chick, and why is she so rude?"

"She was a friend. She just hasn't gotten the memo that what happened between us is in the past," he said.

"And what happened in the past makes her think she can still call you Jakey."

"Oh you heard that? Am I detecting a hint of jealousy Ms. Clearwater?"

"No, I just never heard anyone call you that."

"She still wants us to be together," he replied.

"Is that what you want?" I asked.

"I think you know what I want," he said looking into my eyes.

"That's not what I asked you," I said looking away.

"No, Nala, I don't want her,"

"Okay, so I'm gonna get back to work now. Unless there was something work related you wanted to talk about." I walked to the door and grabbed the knob.

"Are we really gonna do this?" he asked, stopping me.

"What do you want me to do, Jake? Do you want me to forget I'm leaving in a month? How is that fair to both of us?"

"I want you to at least acknowledge that you felt something last night."

"I did," I whispered

"So did I," he replied moving closer to me. The glass was frosted so I knew the guys in the shop couldn't see us. He leaned over pulling me to him and kissed me. I kissed him back standing on my tip toes. I had to stop this before I lost control of everything. I broke the kiss and stepped back, feeling light headed.

"Jake, I can't,"

"You won't, that's what you're saying,"

"I gotta get back to work," I said as I opened the door and basically ran to my desk. I know I looked flustered, because I was. I was a wreck for the rest of the day.

Later on that night, I ended up and Charlie and Aunt Sue's place for dinner. I hadn't actually taken them up on their offer until tonight and I knew Aunt Sue couldn't wait to get me to come over. I sat in the kitchen while she made spaghetti. She could tell I was distracted.

"So sweetheart, how are you adjusting to small town life?"

"Pretty good. I still have to sleep with the TV on though. It's way too quiet here."

"Where are you staying when you go to LA?"

"I'm sharing an apartment with one of my sorority sisters, Sierra Johnson. Sierra lost her last roommate. She didn't make it in Hollywood, so she decided to move back home to Ohio," I replied.

Sierra's dad made tons of money as a celebrity attorney. He spoiled his daughter with whatever she wanted. Cece wanted to be a singer this time, so daddy got her an apartment in Marina Del Rey. She was a really sweet girl, but she was indecisive and a little naive at times.

"That's great honey; will you be close to school?"

"Yes. It's only a twenty minute drive from the house."

"So, how's work going?"

"Good. I've been having a good time working with Jacob and the other guys at the shop,"

She smiled and continued cooking. I looked around the kitchen and stopped on a small framed picture. The girl in the picture was plain but pretty. She was ghostly pale, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. I walked over and picked up the picture.

"Aunt Sue, is this a picture of Charlie's daughter?" I asked.

Her smile faded.

"Yes, that's Bella. He only has a few pictures of her from high school."

"What happened to her?"

"She left. Bella married her high school sweetheart and she left town. Charlie doesn't talk about her. Just don't bring it up when he comes home. He tries to act like it doesn't bother him, but it does."

"Does she call?"

"No, we haven't heard from her in years," Aunt Sue said.

Wow. I couldn't believe someone would just up and leave their family without a word. I bet she didn't realize how lucky she was to have her father. At least she could still talk to hers. I fought off of tears. I was sad for Charlie. I know he loved his daughter and it must have felt terrible to not know where she was.

"Nala, go wash up, dinner's almost ready and Charlie will be coming through that door any minute now," Aunt Sue said.

I walked up the stairs and made my way to the bathroom. All the doors were open except one. Curiosity got the best of me. I assumed behind the closed door was Bella's old room. I opened the door and turned on the light. It looked like a typical teenager's room. There was a thin layer of dust on the dresser and desk. The bed looked like it had been freshly made. Aside from the bed, the room looked like it was frozen in time. I turned off the lights and closed the door. After washing up I came downstairs, Charlie was home and was already sitting at the dining room table.

"Hey, Charlie, how are you?"

"Hi, Nala, I'm fine and you?"

"Alright, let's eat before this food gets cold," Aunt Sue said.

We made small talk at the table while we ate. Aunt Sue had made a cake for dessert. I enjoyed talking to them. It reminded me of having dinner with my parents. Aunt Sue brought up some stories from my childhood. They were embarrassing, but cute. When I left them later on that evening, I promised I would have dinner with them at least once a week.

I went home to go to sleep. It had been a long confusing day. I was still in denial about my feelings for Jake. I liked him a lot, I can at least admit to that. However I didn't see any possible way for us to be together. We were both going in different directions. I couldn't deny the fact that the kiss he gave me in the office today set my soul on fire. I wanted to feel that way more often.


	6. Thinking Back

**AN: It took me a while to finish this chapter as I've been editing the story and moving things around. Sheesh, writing is a passion of mine, but it's also hard at times. I appreciate everyone who's stuck with me through this journey. In this chapter I took a peek into Jacob's head. I don't know if I'll do this throughout the story, but it was fun writing in his POV. So without further ado, here's chapter 6**

**Jacob's POV**

I never thought there would ever be anyone else I loved as much as Bella. My heart was so consumed by her. I couldn't eat, drink or think straight. I knew the moment she walked into my room that day she had already chosen him. She sat down and replayed our future life together like a movie. She got this far away look in her eyes, like it was already a distant memory she was trying hard to recall. It was the moment that I knew I had lost the battle. I waited until she left the room before I tried to get out of the bed. I knew if she was still there, she would have tried her best to stop me. The blood in my veins boiled like liquid fire. Anger was slowly taking over the excruciating pain I was feeling both physically and mentally. I knew Doc Fang told me not to phase for a few days, but at that moment I didn't give a shit. I hoped the change would kill me and I wouldn't have to feel anything. I stumbled to the front door totally oblivious to the magnitude of my injuries. I fell to the ground screaming as I phased. I didn't stop screaming in my mind. The pain I felt when that bloodsucker crushed my bones was nothing compared to what I just felt. I knew my brothers could hear me. Shit everyone in the rez could hear me. Once the pain became somewhat bearable, I started running. Leah tried to talk me out of it and I didn't hear a word she said. I ran until I felt like my heart would explode. I continued for what felt like days on end. I finally ended up in the redwood forests of California. I stayed in that forest so long that I forgot I was human. My guilty conscious got to me and I started worrying about my dad and what I was putting him through. I walked into a nearby campground, took some clothes off a line, put them on and went to a payphone to call my dad. He begged me to come home but, I could hear in his voice he knew I wasn't coming back till I was good and ready.

"Bella's gone," Dad said softly.

"What do you mean gone?" I demanded.

"She and all of the Cullens up and left a few weeks ago. She told Charlie she was getting married, and if he wanted to be there he needed to get to Mr. Weber's church in an hour. He had a feeling she wasn't coming back. He was right; she was gone the next night."

I started to shake, feeling the phone crush in my hands.

"Bye Dad." I muttered as I ran towards the forest. I phased quickly leaving the world behind me.

It was another six months before I became human again. I walked back to my dad's house and collapsed. I didn't wake up for three days. Dad panicked and called both my sisters. When I woke up, Rachel and Becca were there. Becca wanted to take me back to Hawaii. Dad said it was best if I stayed here. I was so behind in my classes. Rachel was pissed and feared for my sanity. She thought I lost my mind. She told dad I needed counseling. She said there was no way I was gone that long and not psychologically damaged. Dad talked the girls out of their ideas. Once the girls left, it was just me and dad again. I had missed so much school. If I was gonna graduate, I had to work my ass off. I ended up graduating six months after I was supposed to. After high school, I went to trade school to become a certified mechanic. When I was finished I just saved my money. I worked in my shed fixing cars all around the rez. It took me five years but I finally had enough to buy my own shop.

My personal life on the other hand was a huge mess. I didn't have a social life so to speak. I guess you could call me a loner. I didn't bother with anyone, unless I wanted company. I had given up on finding someone. Even though most of my friends imprinted, Leah and I both agreed that there must have been something wrong with our DNA cuz it didn't happen for us. She hated imprinting. She felt like it took all the choice out of the equation. It didn't help that it fucked up her first real love. I didn't care one way or the other. It's not like I would stumble upon love around here.

The few dates I had been on in the past ten years never led to anything serious. I think for the most part, the girls didn't take me seriously. They just wanted the physical and could care less about who I was on the inside. Well two can play that game and I did. I had no problems with sleeping with all of them, if that's all they wanted from me, then that's what I gave them. Monica wanted to marry me because she thought we'd make pretty babies. Samantha wanted me to walk around town with her on my arm, just so her friends would be jealous. The others were just satisfied in keeping me company for the night. It's not what I would consider ideal, but it's been working for me.

The night before the 4th of July, I was hanging out with the guys at the bar. Seth, Sam, Jared, Paul and I were enjoying some guy time. Since the bloodsucker Brady Bunch left, we didn't have to patrol as much. With school, marriages, and babies, we didn't get to hang out as much as we used to. We stood around playing pool and drinking beers. Well, we were doing more drinking than playing. Seth was talking about breaking up with Julie, which no one was surprised about. She was yet another one who didn't "understand" him. It's hard to understand someone you've only dated for two months. I shook my head as I took a swig of beer. He told us about some blond nurse he met while doing rotations at work. Since Seth's residency was at Forks General Hospital, he always had easy access to some hot nurse or intern. Paul was talking shit as usual He was giving Seth hell about his long list of ex-girlfriends. Seth wasn't letting it bother him tonight. As usual he was in a fantastic mood. I used to wonder if Seth ever had a bad day. This kid was never angry. Paul was annoying the hell outta me. I still have no idea what my sister saw in him. She was the only reason I haven't caused him severe bodily harm. Although I'm pretty sure it's difficult to kill me, Rachel would find a way. I glanced over at the bar and noticed one of the barmaids looked real familiar.

"Shit," I said wincing.

"What?" Seth asked looking in the same direction.

"It's Sasha. I thought she quit." I sighed. Sasha and I dated for a short time. I knew she was still in love with me. I just didn't feel the same. After we broke up I kinda avoided her. I didn't wanna hurt anyone, especially after what I went through. She noticed us and walked over.

"Hey guys! How's it been?" she asked. I knew she wasn't talking to me. She got a few weak hellos from the guys, and then Mr. Personality had to chime in.

"It's been good. When did you get back into town?" Seth asked.

"A week ago, I was in Olympia for a while," she said, then turned and looked at me "Hi, Jake, how are you?"

Seth took that as a cue to abandon me. I swear I heard Paul laughing at me. If he breathed one word about this later, I was gonna break his fucking nose.

"How come you never returned any of my calls?"

"Sasha, don't you think it woulda been awkward if I still called you? I didn't wanna hurt you."

"So you ignored me, so I wouldn't get hurt? That's bullshit Black. You ignored me because you're a coward. I don't even know why I came over here."

I had no idea why she came over here. To be honest, I think she just wanted to cause a scene to embarrass me.

"Sasha, I'm sorry it didn't work out between us. Can we talk about this in private?"

"Save it." She put her hands up. "I just wanted to come over and say hi to the guys. I understand things weren't meant to be between us. It's just really screwed up how we got here. I still love you Jake and I wish we coulda worked things out."

"I hope you find someone that treats you the way you're supposed to be treated." I was being sincere. I hoped she would find someone that loved her. I wanted her to leave me alone.

She smirked

"I hope one day you realize that you're an asshole and Bella never wanted you."

She turned and stomped her way back to the bar.

"Damn! She told you!" Paul shouted laughing.

"Fuck you," I shouted back. I walked out and went home. There was no way I was staying in that bar with her.

She was right, I was an asshole. I met Sasha five years ago when we took Embry out for his twenty-first birthday. We were all hammered that night. Sasha was waiting tables and caught my attention. I noticed her dark brown hair, pale skin and chocolate brown eyes; she could have passed for Bella's sister. It wasn't hard to convince her to come home with me that night and I only slept with her because she looked like Bella. I'm not saying that it was right. I did feel bad about it the next morning. When she woke up, she offered to make breakfast. I realized we had more in common than I thought. We started dating casually. Before I knew it, she told me she loved me. I couldn't believe it. We had only been dating for three weeks when she sprung that on me. I liked her, I enjoyed the time we spent together and the sex was awesome, I just didn't love her. I avoided it for as long as I could. Finally, she backed me in the corner and made me admit what I'm sure she already knew, I didn't feel the same way she did. She ignored it saying that I would grow to love her in time. Well after two years of on again/off again dating, it finally dawned on her that I wasn't gonna magically fall in love with her. She packed up her stuff and moved to Olympia. I stopped calling, hoping that she would move on. Apparently she didn't. I used her as my replacement Bella and it was coming back to haunt me. It was obvious she was gonna make my life a living hell. Her visit to the shop was no accident. I made it clear to her that she should not pull that shit ever again. The last thing I need is some jilted lover scaring away my customers.

I was jarred out of my thoughts when Nala knocked on the door to my office and stuck her head in. I was sitting in the office going through the inventory lists and lists of parts that were backordered.

"Hey that part for the Mitsubishi just came in, did you wanna take a look at it?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute. Come here for a sec," I said.

She walked inside closing the door behind her.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Is eight o'clock good for you?"

"Yes, that's fine."

"Well, come on out here and take a look at this part. I know you were waiting for it to come in," she said walking back out on the floor. The guys were busy working but they gave me some glances as I walked over to inspect this part that took three weeks to get here.

Later that night, I was getting ready for my first official date in years. Romance wasn't exactly my strong suit. I was gonna try though. I don't think I cared about the other girls I went out with. I really didn't put that much thought in it. I was wearing some jeans and a navy blue polo shirt. I put on my black Nike's and slapped on some cologne. I ran my hands though my hair a few times making sure it stood up just right. I went to the barber yesterday just to make sure it looked good. For the first time in a long time, I actually cared about what someone thought about my appearance. Most girls woulda got me "as is" but, I felt like looking good for her. I grabbed the car keys and made my way outta the house.

It only took five minutes to get to her house. I drove the Mustang because I knew how much she liked it. I knocked on the door and waited. There was no answer. I could tell she was home, because the TV was on. I pulled my phone out and started dialing her number when I heard a noise from upstairs. Through the glass in the door I could see her coming down the stairs. She walked to the door and she opened it, she stood in the doorway in her short bathrobe. Her hair was still damp and she smelled like she just got out of the shower. She looked embarrassed.

"Oh my God, Jake, I'm soo sorry. I lay down for a few minutes and I guess I fell asleep." She motioned for me to come in.

"It's alright, we don't have to rush. Go ahead and get dressed, I'll wait," I replied. She sighed and hugged me. It felt so good. I needed to think about something else quick. The thought of what was underneath that flimsy bathrobe shot a surge of lust right to my lower region.

"Thanks, it will only take me a minute," she said as turned and walked up the stairs.

"Make yourself at home, the remote's on top of the TV," she called downstairs to me.

I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. I flipped through the channels and ended up watching Sports Center The wait wasn't too long, soon she came down the stairs wearing skin tight jeans and a red halter top that exposed her shoulders and when she turned around, I noticed a butterfly tattoo on her right shoulder. She was wearing strappy red heels. This woman was gonna kill me.

"Hey, you look beautiful," I said.

"Thank you, you look pretty good too," she replied. Her eyes lit up as she saw I was driving the Mustang. I usually drove a pick-up back and forth to the shop. I knew she loved this car. Maybe one day I'd let her drive it. Wait, what the hell was I thinking?

We got in the car and made our way to Port Angeles. About an hour later we ended up at a seafood restaurant. Once we were seated and ordered our food and drinks, we begin to talk.

"So, tell me something about yourself. Something nobody knows," she asked.

I raised an eyebrow. Of course I couldn't tell her the obvious, "_I turn into a huge dog, pass the bread_." I thought about it for a second.

"I can't sleep with my legs off the bed. I always think something's gonna reach from under my bed and snatch me by my ankles."

That was true. I hated that feeling. Nothing made me feel more vulnerable than that. She laughed. I loved the way she smiled. She was having an effect on me that I wasn't used to feeling.

"I'm serious. It's been like that since I was a kid."

"It would have to be a pretty big monster to snatch you off your bed."

"Yeah but who knows how strong some supernatural being is." I laughed with her.

"OK, I'm being serious now. I used to think no one would take me seriously. I'm twenty-six, the chief of my tribe and I own my own business. Sometimes I doubt myself."

"It's okay to doubt yourself at times. I know I do. All you can do is your best. Hell, nobody can fault you for trying."

"I know it's hard though, so much damn pressure to be perfect. Can't screw up, not when your last name is Black. There were so many times I wanted to be a normal kid."

"What about your sisters, did they feel the pressure too?"

"Rachel was always perfect. Well with the exception of marrying Paul. Rebecca got some grief for marrying so young, but she done well for herself. Her husband is a pro surfer. They have this really big house in Hawaii. She also has my niece and nephews," I said pulling out my phone to show her pictures my sister sent of my six-year old twin nephews and their 2 month old sister.

"Wow! Their home is gorgeous. I would love to live in a place like that. Your niece and nephews are adorable," she commented.

"Thanks. The girls left home so fast, they never had to deal with the stuff I had to."

"You took on a lot. I couldn't imagine being that responsible at such a young age."

"So, how was it growing up in New Orleans?" I asked changing the subject.

"It was cool. I had a bunch of friends in high school, ran track, went to prom. Just did the regular teenage stuff."

"Did you have a boyfriend?"

"I did. We were together for a few years. I broke up with him senior year. Did you have someone special? I know you had a friend you liked."

"Nobody special, not like that. I've had my fair share of girlfriends but no one I can say was the one."

After we finished eating, we went to play pool. She said she never learned how to play. Well it was a perfect opportunity to show her how. I stood behind her and showed her how to hold the cue. I wasn't one hundred percent sure, but I think she pushed her booty up against me. I fought the urge to push back. I cleared my throat and she turned and smiled at me.

"So this is what you're gonna do, basically you line the stick up with the cue ball and hit the other balls on the table. Any one of them, except the eight ball." I guided her hands as she took a shot. She squealed and jumped up and down when she was able to sink a few balls. She wasn't as lucky on her second turn.

"My turn," I said as I lined up the cue and shot hitting the seven and two ball.

"So, what happened between you and Sasha? I have a feeling you weren't completely honest about her not getting the hint," she asked leaning against the table.

"We dated for a while and she thought it was more serious than I did," I said.

"It was just a booty call, huh?"

"Well, kinda. She didn't understand our arrangement."

"You wanted no strings attached sex and she caught feelings," she said.

This was not the conversation I wanted to have on a first date.

"Am I scaring you off?" I asked.

"No. I actually appreciate your honesty. Not a lot of guys would admit that. Most would just lie to get in your pants."

"I was honest with her the entire time. I never told her I was in love with her."

"She just confused good sex for love, right?"

"Wow. That bad, huh?"

"What?"

"The guy that hurt you, he lied about his intentions didn't he?" I saw the expression on her face change, for a brief second she looked sad.

"Yeah, he did but I'm over that now." She didn't look so convinced. I didn't want the date to get depressing so I changed the subject really quick.

"Let's finish our game. I was getting good at kicking your butt,"

"Really? You've never heard of beginner's luck?"

"That's only for people who have actual skills," I replied.

"I'll show you some skills. I may not be good at pool, but there are other things I'm good at," she said with a wink. I smirked and wondered what the hell she meant by that? Was she giving me an open invitation? There were so many things I thought about doing, if we were alone. She was killing me with the kisses and the looks. I didn't want to take this to another level if she didn't want to. It was all in her hands right now. We were keeping things light and simple. I felt like there was this chemistry between us and I wanted to see how far it would go.

We ended up going back to my house. I gave her the grand tour of the place. I put in the hardwood floors myself. I also replaced the cabinets in the kitchen and upgraded all the appliances. I had typical guy furniture; a couch, armchair and a big screen TV in the living room. It felt good to do something on my own. It wasn't that big, but it was mine. I remember being cramped in our old house. When I had my growth spurt, dad couldn't afford to buy me a new bed. I had to squeeze my huge frame into a twin bed every night. The first thing I brought when I got here was a king sized bed. Once the grand tour was over, we sat on the couch in the living room listening to music and drinking some wine. I had that bottle for a while. One Christmas, Brian's wife brought me a bottle of wine. Since I'm not the wine drinking type, I just figured I'd save it for a special occasion. Since I never entertain in my house, I just never opened it. So now seemed like a good enough occasion. I didn't have wine glasses, so I just grabbed some glasses that were sitting in the cabinet. She smiled at me as I opened the bottle and poured the wine.

"To good health and happiness," I said bringing my glass up for a toast.

"Ditto," she replied as our glasses clinked together.

She got more comfortable as she took off her heels and rubbed her feet. I motioned for her to put her feet in my lap and I massaged them as we talked.

"Thanks, so much. They feel so much better. Heels may be cute, but they hurt like hell,"

"Yeah, I must say they looked really great on you."

"Thanks," she said yawning.

"You're not getting sleepy on me are you?" I asked

"Nope, just feeling really relaxed. Thanks for dinner; I had a really great time."

"You're welcome, I'm just glad you said yes."

"You kinda wore me down. You just don't take no for an answer huh?"

"Nope, I know what I want and I go for it."

"Is that so?" she asked.

"Yes. Nala, you are beautiful, intelligent and you don't put up with bullshit."

She giggled. "Thanks,"

"I noticed you have a tattoo on your back, it's nice," I said.

"Thanks. I also have a phoenix on my lower back and a heart on my ankle. I noticed the tat on your arm, that's some nice ink. When did you get it? " she asked

"I got it at sixteen. It was a guy thing."

"Wow, your dad let you get tatted at sixteen? My mom would have freaked."

What she didn't know was my dad did freak out, but it wasn't because of the tattoo. He didn't know what to do with the real life Teen Wolf in his house.

"Do you have any more tattoos?" she asked

I rolled up the sleeve to show my mother's name in black script on my left arm.

"That's cool. Do you explain to all your girlfriends that's your mom's name?"

"No, I just tell them if they do a really good job I'll tattoo their name on me too."

She rolled her eyes "Cut it out,"

"I know, that was corny," I said throwing my hands up

"You think you'll get any more?"

"Probably, I do like the two I have. I just never put too much thought in getting new ink."

I continued to massage her feet and she stretched out making herself more comfortable. I looked over at her long sexy legs. I began to massage her calves. She sighed as she sunk into the couch. I couldn't help myself as my hands traveled higher up her legs to her thighs. I was having a bunch of impure thoughts. I wanted to know how far she would let me go. She looked really relaxed as she looked at me with heavy eyes. I smiled at her as my hands traveled up her legs, past her hips and rested on her stomach. She let me lift her shirt slightly as my hands traced the skin on her belly. She was so soft. I wondered if she felt this soft all over. She shifted a bit causing my hand to slip higher. It was now resting just below the swell of her breasts. That's when I noticed she wasn't wearing a bra. She let her feet fall from my lap which allowed me to position myself so that I was hovering over her.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked. I didn't want to be a mood killer, but I also wasn't gonna force myself on her.

"Yes," she whispered. I placed feather light kisses on her neck dipping lower to nip her collar bone. She moaned softly which was my cue to kiss her on the lips. Our kiss became more intense as she slipped her tongue past my lips touching mine. As our tongues intertwined we took a moment to explore each other with our hands. Her hands had slipped under my shirt and she was touching my chest and stomach raking her finger nails over them and driving me insane with lust. We had way too many clothes on. She helped me out of my shirt and I did the same. We were lying on my couch shirtless. I took my time and admired her perfectly pert breasts. She was a nice firm C cup. My tongue captured one of her Hershey's chocolate colored nipples and licked it. It tasted just as sweet. She moaned and pushed her hips upward into my painfully stiff erection. I pinched the other nipple causing her to whimper. She grabbed me by my belt and began to unfasten it, unzipping my fly. I paused for a second. I wanted to take her right here on my couch, but I wanted more room to properly explore her body. In one quick swoop, I picked her up and carried her to my bedroom.

I placed her on the bed and helped her remove her jeans and panties. I paused for a minute admiring her body. She was so damn sexy; I made a mental note to lick and kiss her everywhere I could. She smiled at me as I slid my jeans and boxers off. I watched as her eyes traveled down my body and widened as she looked at my erection. Yup, that's all me, and no I'm not bragging. I walked over to the bed and crawled beside her, gently raking my fingers across her exposed flesh. She sighed as she lifted her arms to touch me. I grabbed both of her wrists and put them above her head. I hovered over her body looking into her eyes. I kissed those pretty lips of hers lightly biting her lower lip. She moaned as her tongue slipped inside my mouth. She liked doing that and I couldn't get enough of it. She tried to free her hands from my grasp.

"Not yet," I whispered as I kissed lower stopping at her breasts. I licked and kissed each nipple, sucking them into my mouth and lightly grazing them with my teeth. She moaned and I could sense that she was becoming wet. Her hips writhed against mine. My hands had a mind of their own. I wanted to feel as much of her soft flesh as I could. I finally let go of her hands as I touched her soft belly and thighs. She grabbed handfuls of my hair as she muttered a bunch of unintelligible words. My tongue licked around her belly button, trailing kisses all the way down. I saw how wet she was, which turned me on even more. I blew on her clit causing her to gasp and pull my hair. My tongue flicked across the swollen bud and she moved her hips to get closer to the sensation. I smiled as I continued to lick coating my tongue with that sweet nectar. She moaned my name as I slowly placed two fingers into her wetness. I licked and pumped my fingers into her, causing her to curse and thrash about on the bed. She was making so many cute noises and I loved every minute of this. I felt her pussy clench around my fingers and I knew she was close to orgasm number one. I promise it wouldn't be the only one tonight. I placed my mouth on her clit and sucked it until she exploded. She was glowing in post orgasmic bliss. I grabbed a condom off my dresser; I rolled it on and climbed on top of her. She parted her legs and I slid between them. I entered her slowly, allowing her body to accommodate my length. She gasped as I filled her.

"Are you okay," I asked

"Yeah, keep going," she whispered back.

I pushed completely inside of her. She was so tight and wet, I thought I was gonna explode right then. That woulda been embarrassing. We pushed and pulled at a slow pace, I wasn't sure how long I could keep this up. She felt so good.

"Oh fuck Jake, go faster," she moaned

That was my cue to pick up the pace. As my pace quickened I could feel her pulling me closer to her. She was forcing me to go hard and fast. Her moaning in my ear was almost too much to take. She wrapped her legs around me as I pushed into her. I could feel my orgasm coming on; she was so hot and wet. I clamped my lips down over hers as we kissed hungrily. I pushed her legs up higher and thrust into her faster causing both of us to cum. Afterwards, I held her in my arms, she snuggled closer to me and we both fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later because I felt something wasn't right. I opened my eyes and rolled over to find the other side of my bed empty. Nala was gone.


	7. Reflections

**AN: Stephanie Meyer Owns Twilight. I wish I thought of it first. **

**Enjoy chapter 7….**

Yep, I ran. I left the warmth of Jacob's bed and walked across the large field that separated our two houses. I'm glad I had some flip flops in my purse, because it would have been a challenge walking home in heels. Leaving was hard, but I had to do it. There was no way I was gonna wake up to some lame ass excuse to why he couldn't commit to me. I wasn't even sure if that was what I wanted. I didn't wanna put strings on what we had. I tried to convince myself that this was a summer fling and would fade as soon as I got to Cali. I would have been able to accept that if it wasn't for the aching in my heart. As soon as I left, my body started craving him like a drug.

When I got into the house I went straight upstairs and got into the shower. I stood under the water, wondering how things got this way. If I didn't come back to La Push, I would have saved myself the trouble. Jacob Black would have stayed a distant memory. It was times like this that I missed my mom the most. The pain of her absence hit me like a ton of bricks. I fell to my knees in the tub and started sobbing. I missed her soo much. She was the only person I wanted to talk to right now, and I couldn't. I cried in the tub until the water ran cold. I got out and crawled into bed still wet. All I wanted to do was sleep. Hopefully I would get a better grasp on this once I woke up.

My cell woke me up a few hours later. I dreaded the call from Jake. I knew he wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Who in their right mind, runs from Jacob Black? It wasn't his fault. I wish I could tell him that I was damaged goods, that he couldn't want me. Chris took away my ability to trust any guy with my heart. He was the only guy that seemed interested in me for me. He listened to me when I told him about my dream of becoming a director. I met him my sophomore year in high school. His family had just moved from Baltimore, and he didn't know a soul in Louisiana. It reminded me of when we first moved here. I hung out with him and we clicked immediately. He acted like he was interested when I bored him with the different camera shots and editing techniques I described to him. When we were together, we had our whole lives planned. He wanted to be an actor and I would direct movies. We would move to NYC so that he could be on Broadway and I would go to NYU for undergrad and film school.

I put everything on us being together forever. When we both got accepted into NYU we were soo excited. We made love for the first time in his bedroom on that day. He was there with me when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I trusted him with my heart completely and never had a reason to question him. Little did I know, Chris was cheating on me the whole time. Once my mom was diagnosed, I started to apply to other schools that were closer to home. I wanted to go to NYU, but I couldn't leave my mom in the condition she was in. I went to his house to show him I got accepted into all the schools I applied for. I knocked on his door and this girl opens it. I thought she was a friend of his brother's.

"Hi, is Chris here?" I asked like the cheery fool I was. She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes.

"Chris, why is this girl asking for you?" she called inside the house. Chris came to the door with a surprised look on his face.

"Trina, you have to go," he said to her.

"Why I gotta go? Who the hell is she?"

"I was his girlfriend, but you can have his cheating ass!" I shouted as I walked away. I didn't let him see me cry. There was no way he was gonna see that.

"Nala, wait! It's not what it looks like," Chris shouted after me. I don't know what he thought it looked like, but to me it was catching my lying boyfriend red handed.

I ran home crying to my mom, who cried with me and held me until I was all cried out. I never spoke to Chris again. Of course he tried to call me and he even came to my house a few times. He begged my mom for any chance to talk to me. She told him I would speak to him when I was ready.

I blinked back tears as I rolled over in the bed and checked my phone. I did get a text from Jake.

"_What happened_?" he wrote. I couldn't answer that in a simple text, but I also wasn't ready to face him. Shit! I was supposed to see Leah and Emily today. I decided to send him a quick text.

"_Can I see you later on tonight, at 7?" _

He texted me back almost immediately "_Sure. Is everything ok? Did I do something wrong_?"

"_No, we'll talk ltr I promise. Gotta go, meeting Leah in 30min,_" I sent him.

"_K, call me if anything changes_," he sent back.

I put on a white sleeveless cotton shirt and a blue peasant skit that fell to my ankles, threw my hair up into a messy bun and grabbed my car keys. It only took five minutes to get to Emily's. When I walked in the door, she was in the kitchen making waffles. I kissed her on the cheek as I grabbed a plate and started piling two waffles on it.

"Leah will be here in twenty minutes," I nodded and continued to eat. I'm glad she didn't pepper me with questions I didn't feel like answering.

"Go upstairs and check out the nursery, Sam's almost finished painting in there." she said pointing to the stairs. Once I finished eating I went upstairs to check it out. I opened the door and saw that the room was painted sky blue with clouds etched across three of the four walls. Against one wall was a white wood crib with blue bedding and a rocking chair. She had the matching dresser and changing table. There were several little sleepers on top of the dresser. I touched the soft cotton sleeves and imagined the day that I would actually hold my own baby. Who would he or she look like? My thoughts instantly went to Jake. I shook that thought out of my head as fast as it appeared. I closed the door to the nursery and made my way back down the stairs, just as Leah was walking in the door. She smiled at me and gave me a big hug. I felt the tears pour out of my eyes before she let me go.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Everything," I replied. She led me back into the kitchen where both she and Emily tried to comfort me.

"I just miss my mom. There are so many things I wish I could talk to her about."

"Aww, honey, that's normal. I was wondering when it was gonna hit you. You try to be so brave and strong for the rest of us. It's only been six months. Let it out," Emily said as she rubbed my back.

"Your mom would want you to be happy. You're getting ready to go to one of the top film schools in the country. Aunt Janet would have been bursting with pride." Leah added.

"I know, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. She worked so hard to make sure I got here. She sacrificed everything, even her own health to make sure I got what I wanted, "I cried.

They hugged me tighter as I cried. I knew I had to get this out of my system. They were right, all my mom wanted was for me to be happy. I felt as if my heart was ripped from my body when she died. Nothing could prepare me for life without her. I didn't have any family on my mom's side. If they were around, they didn't show up for her funeral. I had no idea if my grandparents were alive or if she had any brothers or sisters. Mom's past was a mystery to me, she never talked about it. She took me away from the only family I knew. Here I am all grown up and they are strangers to me. I needed answers, but before I could tackle that, I still had to face the problem I caused with Jake. I hope my cousins weren't expecting me to be good company. I dried my tears and went upstairs to clean up my face. When I came back, Emily made tea. She placed the cup in my hands and patted my shoulder. I sipped the warm liquid as I listened to Leah tell Emily about her wedding plans. Leah's wedding would take place next April. She wasn't giving herself much time to find a dress. She came over with a bunch of bridal magazines for us to look over. It was a great distraction from all my problems. Emily turned on some music and we sang along to songs as we picked out some of our favorites. By the time we left Leah had a few ideas of what type of dress she wanted. I hugged Emily goodbye and promised that we would have dinner during the week. Leah walked me to my car.

"Hey, my mom and Emily's mom are giving her a surprise baby shower. If you wanna help with the planning we're gonna meet at my mom's this week," she said.

"Okay, just call me and tell me which day. I'll come over after work."

"What's going on with you and Jake?"

"We went out last night," I said not wanting to add what happened later on. She looked at me for a second.

"You can't blame every guy for one's fuck ups, believe me I know. You remember how it was before I met Isaiah."

"Yeah, I remember," I said. I gave her a hug and got into my car. I was gonna go home, but I felt like I needed to see Jake right now. No sense in prolonging it.

I pulled up to his house and saw his truck and the Mustang parked in front. I walked up the front steps and knocked on the door. He opened it and stood in the doorway wearing nothing but a pair of low slung basketball shorts. Why was his body so distracting?

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hey," he replied. We stood there in awkward silence.

"Jake, I'm sorry I left the way I did. It's just…" I stopped myself. Did I want to tell him I couldn't give him my heart?

"Nala, I thought I hurt you. I didn't know what to think, when I woke up you were gone."

"I know," I replied as tears welled in my eyes.

"What's wrong Nala? You know you can talk to me," he said.

"I went home today and realized that the one person I wanted to talk to was gone," I cried.

"Come here," he said taking me into his arms. I held on to him and cried. He brought me into the house and we sat on the couch. I leaned against his chest feeling him breathe. He rubbed my shoulder as I cried. I was soo sick of crying.

"Nala, you know I'm here for you," he said. I nodded.

"You know, my mom passed away when I was five. I was soo confused. My dad was too upset to tell us what happened. Your Uncle and Aunt sat me and my sisters down and told us. It took me months before I believed she was never coming back. I still miss her."

I looked at him and noticed there were tears in his eyes too.

"Jake, I've been hurt before. My ex was my first love and he cheated on me. He was there for me when my mom was first diagnosed with cancer. He held me and told me he would never lie to me. It turns out that he lied the entire time. I gave him everything and he didn't give a damn about using me," I said hearing the bitter tone my voice took.

"He was an asshole for doing that to you, when you needed him the most."

I took off my shoes and tucked my feet under me. Jake held me tighter. I needed this. It felt good to be held. We sat in silence for a while.

"Thank you," I said breaking the silence.

"That's what I'm here for. Hey, are you hungry?" he asked.

"Yes, I guess I could eat something."

He got up and walked to the kitchen. I heard him rummage through the fridge and cabinets. Soon he came back with a couple of sandwiches and sodas. He passed me a plate and turned on the TV. We ate and watched TV in silence. After we finished our sandwiches I helped him clean up.

"Hey, you feel like taking a walk?"

"Sure," I replied. I was all cried out and was feeling a little better. I didn't want to ruin my whole day. We walked out the house and started across the field that separated our houses. The field led to a small trail. I looked around taking in the scenery. It had rained earlier, but now the sun was setting.

"Can I ask you something?" Jake asked.

"Yes."

"Why did you leave this morning?"

"I'm not sure what you want from this, from me. I got scared and ran."

"Nala, I'm not trying to play with your feelings. I like you." I don't know why that statement struck a nerve, but it made me stop in my tracks.

"So you never liked any one of your flings?" I asked.

"I was wrong for some of the things I did in the past. I can honestly say I never felt for them, the way I do for you."

"Jake, I don't want you to fall for me. I'm leaving remember?"

"Yeah, I remember because that's all you keep saying. I know you're leaving in a month. How can you tell me not to fall for you? Especially since you're denying your own feelings? Look me in my eyes and tell me you feel nothing for me."

I didn't want to look into those eyes and lie to him. I was falling in love with him. I just couldn't tell him that. It would be better if I just walked away right now before we both got hurt.

"I can't. I do have feelings for you. But what difference does it make? Your whole life is here and mine is in California. What type of selfish person would I be to tell you to give it all up for me?"

"Nala, what I have here are material things. I can buy another house, start another business, but I'll never have another you."

"I can't let you do that," I said.

"You have no say. I'm older than you, remember?" he said, with a grin. I couldn't help but smile back. Damn it! How does he do that?

He took my hand and led me down the trail. I could hear the ocean getting closer. We stepped out of the tree line and ended up on First Beach. The air had turned chilly. I shivered and rubbed my arms to warm up.

"Are you cold?" Jake asked. I nodded. He sat in the sand and motioned for me to sit between his legs. When I sat down, he wrapped his arms around me and instantly I felt warm.

"Is that better?"

"Much."

We sat there in silence and watched waves crash against the shore. I was enjoying the feeling of being in his arms. He kissed me on the neck and rubbed my shoulders.

"Nala I don't want this to end. I know we haven't spent a lot of time together. I can't describe it, I just know I want you in my life."

A familiar feeling of uneasiness came over me. Why did he have to say that?

"I have some vacation time coming up. I could take off and help you move if you want," he offered. I could hear a nervous tone in his voice. I think he was anticipating some form of rejection. I wouldn't do that to him. I figured long distance relationships never work, and sooner or later we would drift apart. I would enjoy whatever this was for as long as it lasted.

"Sure, then you can meet my crazy new roommate," I replied.

"I'd like that."


End file.
